The Marriage Transformation Podcast
Reviving a Marriage: Will Smith's Journey of Transformation and Reconciliation
For more information on how we can help you, visit https://www.bettermarriage.com.au
Can a marriage on the verge of collapse be brought back to life? Join us as Will Smith shares his deeply personal story of transformation and reconciliation. From facing the threat of divorce due to emotional neglect to embarking on a journey of self-discovery, Will opens up about the pivotal moments and relentless effort that helped rebuild his relationship. His candid reflections reveal the importance of patience, self-awareness, and genuine effort in mending a strained marriage.
Will's journey underscores the importance of personal growth in fostering healthy relationships. Through heartfelt conversations, he and his wife navigated the rocky path to reconnection, highlighted by moments of significant progress, such as a long weekend getaway that marked a turning point in their relationship. The discussion explores essential traits for men aiming to win back their partners, emphasizing consistent self-improvement and the support of a positive community. Will’s transition from a strict, macho mindset to a considerate and loving partner offers valuable insights for anyone seeking to overcome ego and prioritize their spouse's needs.
We delve into the vital role of communication and realistic expectations in building a strong marriage. Will shares how addressing issues incrementally and having thoughtful conversations can lead to meaningful change. We dispel misconceptions about prioritizing a spouse's needs and highlight the crucial roles of forgiveness and self-accountability. Will’s narrative affirms that personal growth not only benefits marital relationships but also enhances every aspect of life, creating positive ripple effects that extend beyond the home. Don't miss this powerful episode filled with wisdom and hope for anyone looking to improve their marriage and personal life.
For more information on how we can help you, visit https://www.bettermarriage.com.au
Can a marriage on the verge of collapse be brought back to life? Join us as Will Smith shares his deeply personal story of transformation and reconciliation. From facing the threat of divorce due to emotional neglect to embarking on a journey of self-discovery, Will opens up about the pivotal moments and relentless effort that helped rebuild his relationship. His candid reflections reveal the importance of patience, self-awareness, and genuine effort in mending a strained marriage.
Will's journey underscores the importance of personal growth in fostering healthy relationships. Through heartfelt conversations, he and his wife navigated the rocky path to reconnection, highlighted by moments of significant progress, such as a long weekend getaway that marked a turning point in their relationship. The discussion explores essential traits for men aiming to win back their partners, emphasizing consistent self-improvement and the support of a positive community. Will’s transition from a strict, macho mindset to a considerate and loving partner offers valuable insights for anyone seeking to overcome ego and prioritize their spouse's needs.
We delve into the vital role of communication and realistic expectations in building a strong marriage. Will shares how addressing issues incrementally and having thoughtful conversations can lead to meaningful change. We dispel misconceptions about prioritizing a spouse's needs and highlight the crucial roles of forgiveness and self-accountability. Will’s narrative affirms that personal growth not only benefits marital relationships but also enhances every aspect of life, creating positive ripple effects that extend beyond the home. Don't miss this powerful episode filled with wisdom and hope for anyone looking to improve their marriage and personal life.
I've seen the changes in you and I, you know, I can see myself reconnecting and spending the rest of my life with you, with some of the changes you've done, and that's when it happened, when it started coming around.
Speaker 2:Hey, so today I've got with me Will Smith, who's had a great transformation within his marriage, and Will's very gracefully agreed to join us today to share his story with us. So thank you for coming today. Will Start out, share with us where you were at when you came to us, what was going on in your marriage and where you're at now, and then we can talk about how you kind of got from where you were to where you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks for having me certainly out here. So where I was at was in a very bad place, like going to his divorce. My wife had enough of my emotional ways of treating her and it was just separating us apart and she wanted out of the relationship. And now where I'm'm at, it has turned completely around where she wants to reconcile and sees a change in me and thinks that all the things that I've done so far has been just great and she can see herself moving forward with me. Right now it's completely changed around so she was.
Speaker 2:She was pretty much out of the marriage. I mean, you came to us. I think it's about october of last year. It's been been, uh, been quite a while actually. Um, is that? Is that right around october of last year?
Speaker 1:yes, indeed, yes, it was october when I joined.
Speaker 2:Yes sure, sure. And and she was pretty much out of the marriage at that point. Is that? Is that correct?
Speaker 1:yes, um, we started getting in some. It was around August is when she said that you know she's had enough and she wanted out. And I started looking at things on my own and of course I tried begging and all that and none of that worked. But by the time August you know, august, september, october time frame came around, I found the program and that is when I really started to dive deep in and found out a lot about myself so how quickly will did you start to see things, things change once you, once you joined us?
Speaker 1:so I would say it took about five months to see things change, but it was in little snippets, it was like in little steps, it wasn't all at once, and I think for most of us men we want changes to happen rapidly, but we just can't have that done. We can't control the situation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's brilliant, I mean. I think that's a great point to bring up, Like a lot of times, men whose wives leave them or they're in a very dire situation. They want to know what they can do now to turn this around, right now and sometimes it just takes a little while, right. I mean, like I like to say, like your marriage has died or is dying a death of a thousand cuts and it's going to take a thousand, a thousand band-aids before it gets healed. So was there a point where you could see that this is moving in the right direction now? Was that? Was there a turning point where you could actually see light at the end of the tunnel?
Speaker 1:yeah, there were a few points and there were a couple times when I wanted to have some deep conversations with her and when I spoke I sat down and I spoke with her. I kind of brought to her attention what I saw in myself which I've never seen before until I dug deeper into myself. And for her I can see it in her eyes that I finally got it, all the things that she's been seeing before, which I was oblivious to. So it was a couple of those situations when I had those talks with her that I can see that she saw that. And then slowly I saw her started coming around a little bit and talking to me a little bit more, reaching out to me.
Speaker 2:So what? What were some of those aha moments for you, or what were some of those things that you got it. Where were you not getting it? Then, finally, you got it, and that made like the real difference within the marriage, for her.
Speaker 1:So one of the things was looking in the mirror and putting myself in her shoes. And once I started writing down the things, going back to all the things she complained about, and I put it down on a note and then I put myself in her shoes, it was like a light bulb went off, like, wow, this is what I did to her. All this in certain situations that made me realize I've been treating her wrong the entire time and I should have been treating her this way. And I was a real know, I don't want to use any kind of cuss words, but I was a real, d, I, c, k about it. And when I realized that and I brought it to her attention that, oh, I remember this day when I did this and there was another date when I did this, when we were traveling here, and and then she said, yeah, you finally see it.
Speaker 2:And those was one of those aha moments for me yeah, no, that's, that's fantastic and one of the things we say all the time. Right, it's like never grade your own homework and a lot of times guys go well, I'm done, that, I'm doing this, and the reality is that that they're not doing it at all and it's very difficult to fix the problem when you don't know that there's the problem there. You don't understand the problem and, to be fair, like, let's just give will his his due here we'll, we'll show. You showed up to all of the coaching calls for a long time there and you asked the questions and you did the work and and you took your medicine. Will you know? Power to you.
Speaker 2:You know, I remember you and me having some pretty, pretty heated conversations, you know, sometimes, and it's like getting getting to that point. But I think if a man is able to look in the mirror and see himself as he truly is and see himself as his wife is him, if he's able to get to that point, what? What do you think a man's chances of turning his marriage around are in the typical situation, having been through this process yourself now?
Speaker 1:I think it's possible in any situation. I think one of the major things is patience and being humble. Those are the two things that you have to have it because your wife has so many things built up in her that's so negative towards you and that's all that she sees, because it's been so much built up that she doesn't see any positives in him. So when she brings those negativity and those all those negative things towards you, you have to be able to just not say anything and not respond to them and just take it, because it's things that she has built up that she's never came out and said to you. So by taking it in and understanding it and listening and just agreeing not just agreeing but validating her it makes it a little bit easier for her to open up and give even more, and for me that helped a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And for me that helped a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how long did it take, you Will, before your wife started giving you some positive feedback and going? I can see some changes are being made here, that there's a glint in her eye again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it would have been about four months around January timeframe, because I started in October and it was about January, february that I started seeing little changes here and there and that's. And then when I really saw the changes, when I think it was February, when she asked me to go away on a long weekend with her, and that was not even in the anywhere in sight when we were going through anything. She didn't want to be around me with anything or go out to like dinner or anything. But then we went away for a long weekend and that's when I noticed the change. And then for that long weekend where we went away, she sat down and we had a dinner. So I said so what exactly did you want to tell me? And then that's when she came, I said I've seen the changes in you and I, you know, I can see um reconnecting and spending the rest of my life with you with some of the things you've done.
Speaker 2:And that's when it happened, when it started coming around wow, wow, yeah, and really the the here's the thing, right, that I that I would that I'd like to bring to anybody that's listening to this. In your situation, it's like it's going to happen. On her time frame, like a lot of us, like as men, we're definitely very impatient and we want things to happen super quick, but at the end of the day, she's got a lot of issues she's got to work through as well. It's not like she's been hurt for a long time, right, and she's not gonna just open her arms to come back until some of those issues have been worked through and helping her to do that.
Speaker 2:So you, you showed up a lot Will like over the last six or seven or eight months and you've seen a lot of success stories, but you've also seen men that haven't won their wives back. You haven't reconciled. It's like, let's just be honest, not everybody gets their wives back, but in order to help people that are in this situation, have you seen some of the characteristics of the men? You've seen the people that are in this situation? Have you seen some of the characteristics of the men? You've seen the men that are succeeding and you see how they're approaching it and then, obviously you see the men as well that continue to struggle. Are you seeing any differentiations or any characteristics in the men that are succeeding at this task?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have seen. The ones that continuously show up, regardless of the fact if their relationship is working or not, are the ones who are bettering themselves, and that's what it's all about. It's about bettering yourself. Leaving the wife and reconciliation with the marriage out of the picture.
Speaker 1:Was actually that ideal part, because concentrating on yourself is ideal and that was the toughest part for me was just concentrating on me being a better person, to be a better person for my wife and the relationship, because unless I fix myself, there's no way I'm always going to be better for anything. So some of the men who stopped showing up to calls and they come once every month or two there's something about slipping back into yourself without listening to some of the other men and what struggles they're going through or even helping them out, because you've been in certain situations. So showing up to the call still, I think it's beneficial, even if you're over the hump or even if you're still in it or even if you're in the beginning, because there's always help there somewhere for either yourself or help it someone else.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely. And you mentioned earlier on about like seeing the behaviors in yourself and changing those behaviors. So, again, like we can't fix what we don't know is broken, right, and what was some of those, some of those behaviors Will that when you actually came into contact with it and realized, oh, my goodness, that's what I'm doing, that's, that's the problem. Well, you know, give us, give us some examples of some of those behaviors, if you don't mind, if that's, if that's okay with you yeah, yeah, sure, absolutely so.
Speaker 1:My background is from the caribbean, um, born in trinidad but grew up in the us at an early age. So my parents and everyone is from Caribbean background is the male is dominant, very strict, and have their mindset as very macho and have a full of ego. So, having that grown up in that mindset and with my wife being from a different background and how she grew up is was completely different and it was some things I never really noticed that I had this big ego and um, uh, I can say one of the things that stuck in my mind where we were on the airplane, we were traveling this was years ago and my wife I I never liked to sit in the middle seat. I was like an eye because I had surgery on my knee and I had to stretch my right knee out because I can't have it done to a position. For a while she provided the, she went ahead and she ordered the seats, but for some reason it became a window seat, which she likes, and a middle seat. So when we got to the airplane it was like you know, sorry, I couldn't get an aisle seat for you, so I just like well, I can't sit here. I gotta sit on the. I just just went off like that and she just didn't say a word. She just took the middle seat because she always liked the window and I just didn't want to sit in the middle because I just didn't like it.
Speaker 1:But I wasn't thinking about her in that point in time. So one of the things I went back and I said to her I remember this situation, the way I act, and there was no way I should have acted that way because the flight was only going to be for a couple of hours. I could have just bit the bullet, sit down in the middle of CSI I know you like the window and thanks for trying to get the aisle seat and I can sit there for a couple of hours now and in the middle of it without a problem. And those was one of those moments that I said to her. I saw how I was and I shouldn't have been like that.
Speaker 1:We just came back from vacation a couple of weeks ago and a couple of our flights we had like about six flights because we're in different places and some of them I couldn't get the aisle seat. So I sat in the middle because only going to be three hours here, five hours there. So I said I'll sacrifice myself, and that was the difference between now and then yeah, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thinking of her now, thinking of yourself, then. Is that a? Is that a fair summary?
Speaker 2:that is fair, yes, yes, I, I absolutely so. What would you give us some advice if you? If a man's listening to this right now and he's, he's in a situation similar to you. Maybe maybe his wife's left, maybe she's threatening to leave, or maybe it's just not a great marriage, what, what advice would you have to that man that was in your situation right now if you, if he could, if he could listen to just one thing that you would, you would give him. What would that one thing be?
Speaker 1:will I would say don't give up yet and have a lot of patience. Um, patience is key, um, or for this program, for anything else, and learning how to love yourself. I didn't love myself and I didn't realize that until being in this program and I had to sit back, write down, writing my notes, and then finally look to love myself. And I mentioned this to my wife in one of our deep discussions that I had with her and I always brought it to her. It's like you know what? I never really loved myself and, being that way, I never was able to love you. So, men, any man watching this will have to be able to have patience, learn to love themselves, because you can't love anyone else until you love yourself first.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and that's one of the big things that we talk about, right, it's like it's that self-love how can, how can you love anybody else until until you start to how to start to really really love yourself? So, yeah, I think I think a lot of men they fall into one of two categories. Right, they want that quick fix, they want that. You know, give me the script, give me the um, tell me what to say, tell me what to do. And the reality is it's like sorry, we'll go.
Speaker 1:So. One other thing I wanted to uh input here as well is, um, you know, taking your time, like I said, having the patient, but also working it, and I work myself in snippets. I did a little bit at a time because trying to rush it it does not work. So when I had these serious talks with my wife, with like once every probably three or four weeks, and we'd have I said, can you have time to talk? And we sit down and things I write down and I realize, and when I spoke with her it was a really deep conversation, you know, half an hour or whatever it was, and it was not all at once because I couldn't actually disperse all the things I wanted to say at once. So I think working in little snippets of time was, you know, helps out a lot and just having the patience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. And at the end of the day we've got a. A lot of guys come to me all the time and go well, how, if I could just say this to my wife, or if I could just just get my wife to have this conversation, if I could just say this to my wife, or if I could just get my wife to have this conversation, if I could just bring her in this conversation? And I'm like, well, what are you going to say if you do that? It's like she said no. She said no to what's in front of her right now.
Speaker 2:And what are you actually going to say? Are you going to bring anything new to the conversation? Are you going to say anything she hasn't heard before? Because, help, you have that conversation, but you only get one or two shots at that, right, you don't get an infinite number of chances. So when you know what you're saying, there is great. It's like it's not being greedy and having the conversation. It's having something to say. When the conversation does eventually show up and obviously a new person has got to show up in that conversation, right, well, indeed, exactly that's exactly.
Speaker 1:You said it better than I did.
Speaker 2:Ultimately, if you ever look at my youtube channel, like I bring the, I bring this stuff up and, uh, a lot of times guys go. So I've just got to be a simp, you can't. You kind of mentioned it earlier. All right, like I've got to sort of put my wife's needs first, do this, do that, and it's like a lot of guys will go. So I've just got to be a simp, I've just got to be this, I've just got to be that and it's like, um, I don't really feel that way, but like as somebody who's been through this process, how do you do you see it like that? How do you see the that situation?
Speaker 1:from what you're stating is like some of the men see it as being like a doormat I guess doing that yes correct?
Speaker 1:no, I don't see it like that, because the things that we've brought on our wives we don't even realize we brought on them so and they never tell us. So we had no idea. And for me and for a lot of guys in the program it was the same exact thing. We've done things, oblivious to what we're doing to our wives, and they hold on to it. Hold on to it until for them it becomes an explosion. And that's when we're like, where did this come from? So now, when they come at us, we can't think that, oh, it's all about the negativity. No, we've done so much in the past already that we have to be able to take that now, because we have no idea how much trauma we put them through. So, um, being a doormat. If they want to look at it that way, I would say no, but they have to really, really go back deep down and see how much damage they have done to why she's that way that that that's exactly right.
Speaker 2:That's exactly right and, to be honest with it's why. It's why you've got the results that you've got, because you understand, you understand the process now a whole lot, but and people go. My wife never forgets. She's still bringing stuff up and it's like, well, no, a woman does forget, a woman does let stuff go, but she doesn't let it go until it's been resolved. That's the difference. Is man? If you and me have a beef, well we'll, we'll just disagree, like we'll just agree to disagree and go. Okay, well, we'll never talk about that again and it's fine and we can move on. But women are not like that.
Speaker 2:Women, women are not able just to let something go, she is able to let it go, but not until it's resolved.
Speaker 2:And if you, if you say, well, my wife's still holding on from something from 20 years ago or 10 years ago, it's like it's because she hasn't resolved it yet and hopefully, like once we, once you have those tools and that understanding and you're able to help her release that, then it goes away. And it's like until all of this stuff has been resolved, it's uh, it's not going to get better. And I think one of the expectations, or unrealistic expectations, that men have is like it's not that negativity has to be there, like it has to get better. It has to get worse before it can get better. She's got a lot of hurt and a lot of upset and you have to create that environment to where she can release all that hurt and pain and it's going to seem very negative, but unfortunately it's like it's necessary and a lot of times it seems like things are getting worse or we're losing when actually we're winning. Did you, did you experience anything like that?
Speaker 1:will, oh, yes, 100 when you're talking about it. The first couple months it was nothing but negativity. I mean everything out of her mouth, I remember, because sometimes when she'd go to work I'd go over to the, the house to watch the dog when she comes. So it was just one thing negative. So I didn't say a word, I just said you know, you know, try to keep the positive way of myself. Oh okay, I'm having a nice day, I'm going to go now, and I just kind of exited myself. But it was negativity every single day for months, for months, and I just didn't say a word back. I let her vent it because I know what she was going through and what I put her through because we got to the point because of me. So I just let it just go go and eventually it taped it off and it just now I don't even hear anything like that anymore. So yeah, it was tough. Like I said, the patience part has to be there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah and I think you know from my perspective where I'm coming from like I really I really want to help you and I really want to help men recover their marriage. It's like I think the biggest point of failure that I see in the lack of reconciliation is it's unrealistic expectations. Going through it, going into it. It's like it's thinking it's going to happen too quickly, or it's thinking it's going to happen without the negativity, or it's thinking you're not going to have to do the hard yards. And it's like when you go into a situation and you expect it to be something that it isn't, it's going to happen quicker than you think it's going to happen, or you're going to get to the destination without having to go through the traffic lights. It's like it creates an unrealistic expectation. And so I, you know, have know, have you on here. Well, because you, I love the fact that you, you did stick in there and you did do the hard yards and a lot of guys took you five months. You know it'd be, it'd be wonderful to have you on here and say, hey, I got the result in the first week. Or cody told me to say this and I said it to my wife and she came back and it's happily ever after.
Speaker 2:But the reality is it's realistic expectations going into this and it's like speak to speak to the fact, like, or speak to the idea that if somebody does come into this with realistic expectations of, hey, this is going to take a little bit of time, this is going to be some hard yards, there is going to be some negativity to go through, what are the chances of success in your mind? Like, not only going through this yourself, but you've probably seen hundreds of men now in the same situation. Like I say, you've seen both sides of the coin winners and losers. What are your thoughts on terms of your chances of success if you have those realistic expectations versus the chances of success if you come into this going, just give me the magic bullet, give me the script, tell me what I need to say to sort this out.
Speaker 1:I need to say to sort this out. So the expectations for, I would say for me I had in my mind. I don't know exactly what point in time I did it, but I put in my mind that if things can change for the worse, where she wants to just get out of the relationship and have a divorce, it can also change to the good as well. So I put that in my mind. Well, it can also change to the good as well. So I put that in my mind. Well, it can change, so it can change back. So I just kept on feeling that to myself.
Speaker 1:And so for the man who thinks that things can change and they can change, it will change for the best for them. The ones who have any doubts and don't think it can change and still has a little bit of insecurities in themselves, it's not really going to work to their favor, because I think they're wise and will see right through that that they're not this confident man already and the man that has to be, who loves himself, who has to be confident. So the ones who think that, yes, I know I'm going to do good, I'm going to change myself, I'm going to be a better man regardless of what happens, those are the ones that are going to succeed.
Speaker 2:Ken, let me ask you a question In your experience now can you save your marriage without changing yourself?
Speaker 1:Yes, I absolutely not. No, no, no, it was. It was a done deal because of my background and my heritage, of my parents and all that, and it was something that was building and building with my wife that she didn't. She didn't grow up with that so she would just say, oh, that's just his, you know, that's just his upbringing, and she just kept on waving it off until it got to a point where it exploded. So, no, without changing myself, it would not have been reconciled right now. And that's why I still come, because I still have to remind myself, I still have to get better, I still have to work on myself and I can't um, fall back like how you say you know, I guess when people are on drugs, they're going to withdraw.
Speaker 2:You can't go into withdrawal, yeah you gotta, you gotta keep showing up, you gotta keep showing up, exactly right. So obviously there'll be, there'll be, some men watching this that are thinking about maybe getting some help here, and some of those men will be of the opinion that the problem is with my wife, my wife. If I could, she needs, I need to change my wife's behavior here. I need to change my wife's attitude there, or they see, they see the problem being with your wife. What would your advice to those men be that are watching this right now thinking, well, I'm just watching this, thinking how can I get, how can I get the strategy to change my wife?
Speaker 1:because she's the problem we, as this man, we all think that I've thought of it myself, because I can pick out so many situations where like, well, my wife did this and did that. But for those men who think that you have to go back and look at yourself and take out a notebook and write down all the things that upset your wife and then you go through that and look at it and put yourself in your wife's shoes and you they'll see that, well, a lot of it is my wife. It's actually me, because she's the one that collected all this bullets from you, really, because you were throwing the bullets at her and um, and you realize that it's not all the wife, it's. I'm not saying that everything is our fault. Of course the women do play a part, but we played a major part to why we are in this situation right now that that's exactly right, like that.
Speaker 2:That's another misconception. I want I don't want to be out there. I want to clear up. It's like I I don't believe that it's all the man's fault all the time. Your wife is probably as responsible, or has at least has some responsibility in this for sure, but at the end of the day, you're not responsible for your wife's behavior, you're responsible for your behavior. You're not. You're not responsible for your wife's role in the breakdown. You're responsible for your role in the breakdown and you're not responsible for fixing your wife.
Speaker 2:You're responsible for fixing yourself and and it and it's all about like a lot of times, you know, guys will come in and get my wife's the problem and I need to fix my wife, and it's like we always bring it back to the man and it's like you need to work on yourself, you need to sort yourself out, you need to fix yourself. And it's like this is this is where the magic exists, right, because we have the ability to change ourselves. And when we change, the marriage changes. And if you come into this thinking, well, I need to change my wife or my wife needs to change, you're probably not going to be, you're probably not going to get the result that you're looking for, I feel. What are your thoughts on that Will?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I love the way you put it. And in the beginning of the program I thought like that, it's like you know she should be changing as well too. And I thought that and you're absolutely right we can't change anybody else. We can't change our wives, we can't change our siblings, we can't change anyone around us, our friends. We can only change ourselves, and changing ourselves will actually replicate around us once we start being a better person. So you're dead on where I was thinking sometimes that I can actually. You know he should be doing this or why is he doing this, but at the end of the day, we have to take that out of our mind, and I learned to do that with this program was just removing that piece. It wasn't easy, Of course. That's why it took months, but once it was done it became much more clear.
Speaker 2:So in that process will have changed in yourself and not trying to change your wife. Did you see your wife's behavior and attitude and everything start to start to change towards you yes, indeed.
Speaker 1:Um, once I just started acting without any negativity, being more positive towards her and always looking at her and just regardless how in a negative state she was even if it's from work or something, because there was a lot of times she'll come in from work and just be right and I was like, oh, okay, and I just stay in my positive mood and just keep on going and move, like okay, I'll see you tomorrow, or just something like that. And um, another thing I also did as well is every week, I you know, I would send her an email, because I used to do that in the beginning when we first met. I would just send her letters or poems and things like that. And and that sending her an email every single week, actually about intimacy or anything like that, helped a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, Fantastic man. That's a. It's a great story and it's anything that you'd like to add. I mean, obviously I'm asking questions here. Is there anything that you'd like to share or anything that you'd like to throw into the conversation that's on your mind?
Speaker 1:One thing I would like to throw in was there was something in the program which I thought was pivotal, and it was a statement that you had mentioned about the amount of pain. I'm not sure if it's verbatim, but it's the amount of pain that we cause our wife over all these years.
Speaker 1:There's nothing that we can possibly do within the rest of the time period we have in our life that can actually repay that debt, and it was something to that aspect, and it was so so true, that piece of information and one of those little sit-down talks I had with my wife, I actually brought it up, but in a different way, but pretty much the same way, and she actually had tears in her eyes because she realized I caused so much pain and there's no way I can pay off that debt. So that's one of the things I think that was pivotal for me and which I loved how you phrased it, that I like to throw out there so I think that's something else, sorry.
Speaker 1:Something else I like to add is that the program is great that you've done. I've never seen anything else like that there out there as well, and I appreciate a lot of the men who are on there who give their opinions and all the coaches. I mean it's just fantastic.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you all. So I think what you're referring to there, just so everybody knows, is the debt that we have to our wives is so massive that we can never pay it off. But fortunately there's a button in the woman's heart the forgiveness button, and that's our hope. It's like if we had to earn our way out of this hole or if we had to work our way or repay the debt. We're done, like most of us almost people that will be this far into this interview watching this are so far in the hole with their wives, whether they know it or not, that the debt is so great that they'll never be able to pay that off. But the beautiful thing is there is a button in your heart, in your wife's heart, called the forgiveness button, and she can and will forgive that debt. If you change, if you, if you you have, if you can become the man that triggers that forgiveness button, she is willing to erase all of that debt and bring you back to a level playing field. And really this is, this is about what we do here. It's not about working your way out of the hole. It's about becoming, becoming that man and becoming that person your wife can look at and just hit that forgiveness button and go. I want this man in my life again and I'm willing to hit that button because it's worth doing, because I want this man in my life. And that's what it comes down to.
Speaker 2:And ultimately, I think my definition of for me at least, when you're winning this game of being a husband, is like when your wife looks. My wife looked at me at one point and said I love the man that you're becoming, cody, and that's really the aspiration that I have for you, will and for every man that I work with and for anyone that's watching this video that we may or may not work with in the future. It's like when your wife looks at you and says I love the man that you're becoming. That's when you're winning the game of life. That's when you're winning the game of marriage. That's when you know and the only way that that is ever going to happen is like you've got to become that man and if you have that desire, if you have that sincere desire to look at yourself and go, I'm not fulfilling my potential. I'm not the man that I could be. I'm not the man that I want to be. I'm not the man that I once aspired to be. I am a day late and I am a day dollar short.
Speaker 2:Then this is going to be something that this is going to be a wonderful thing for you because, like you, can become that man very quickly, but, as you say, will it's, it's a lifetime endeavor. Right like this is a journey that we never we never cease to. It's something that that we have to continue for our entire lives. We can never get to a point and go. I've arrived now. I've got my wife back. I can stop, because the second you do that, it's like it's game over. I'm going to give you the floor, brother, for any final comments, anything that you'd like to say, anything that you'd like to throw out there, you've got the floor, you've got the freedom to say whatever you want, brother.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I would like to say, you know, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, cody. I mean you were there from those coaching calls I needed, which was the those one on one coaching calls to guide me and to let me see things which I couldn't see, and all the other coaches I think my first coaching call was Alex and it was. It was great.
Speaker 1:And for some of the men who has doubts or they're insecure, just learn to love yourself and things can turn around. Once you put in your mind that things will be good, it will be good. And that goes with anything, not with just marriage, but with your life, your job, anything. Once you turn your mindset into being positive and not failing, so much good opportunities come from that. And that's how I turned my mind and had friends of ours that my wife would tell her there's no way it's working and I would go out with her and the husband. I said I know it can turn around again.
Speaker 1:And when it did turn around, she was said to me that I, you know you had so much positive things about it. I was looking at you like this guy he doesn't know the hurt he's going to get into. And when it turned around, she was like you saw it? And I was like, yeah, because I had that positive attitude. So having that goes a long way, and the patience. So, for any man out there who has any doubts, it does actually truly work and, um, I would definitely recommend anyone to actually take the program and just stick with it because it does actually work thank you, I appreciate those, those kind words.
Speaker 2:And look, just just to wrap this up, the marriage is the tip. One of the things we say right is how you do anything is how you do everything, and it is impossible to improve your marriage without every aspect of your life improving. It's impossible. Your marriage is not a vacuum. It's not something that happens in isolation, and the way your marriage gets, your marriage can get better because you can get better, and that's the only reason your marriage can change, because you can, can get better. That's and that's the only reason that your marriage can change, because you can change and that's the only reason it can change. And when you get better and when you change, it's not an isolated event that happens only in the marriage. It's like it's going to impact every area of your life. So, thank you, brother, will I really really appreciate you coming out today, giving giving your, giving your time to, to, to share your thoughts and thank you so much, brother. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, cody, I appreciate it Anytime.