The Marriage Transformation Podcast
The Marriage Transformation Podcast
Finding Courage in Uncertainty
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Have you ever felt paralyzed by the fear of not being ready to face a challenge? Imagine standing in front of a crowd, guitar in hand, and realizing that no amount of preparation could replace the experience of a live performance. This episode unpacks that transformative moment, sharing personal stories and hard-earned wisdom about the necessity of immersing yourself fully into life's greatest challenges. From the exhilarating world of performance art to the intricate process of reconciliation, we shed light on why real growth happens when you step into the arena, not from the sidelines.
Join us as we deconstruct the myth of control and the power of letting go, using the metaphor of a sat-nav to navigate the unpredictable paths toward our goals. We challenge the preconceived notions of rigid planning, urging you to trust the process and embrace flexibility. Learn why trusting your journey, even when it seems off course, is crucial for personal and professional growth. Whether you're looking to rekindle a relationship or achieve a professional milestone, this episode offers actionable insights and inspires the courage to let your ego take a back seat.
And a great example is I used to teach music and I had a lot of students said my goal is to play live, I want to play live. And I said, well, I host an open mic every Thursday night. Come down and I'll let you have a crack. And they go, I'm not ready for that. When I'm ready to play live, I'll do that. And I'm like, no, no, no, you'll never be ready. You can't learn in a performance art to the exclusion of performance. Learn in a performance art to the exclusion of performance. You will never develop the skills to play live except in the playing live environment. You'll never be ready. You'll never understand what's needed to play live without playing live. And once you play live, you go. I get it now. I understand now, because the skills that you think you need, that they're just fantasy, it's imagination. You've never played live, so how do you know what skills you need? The only way you're going to understand it is to get on the stage and do it.
Speaker 1:And the same is true here. It's like we've got these preconceived ideas of well, I need to do this and I need to say that and to get my wife back. This is the path. It's like, well, you've never got your wife back. So how do you know? You've just got to let go of what of your own, of your own ideas, really, and go. Well, I'm not, some of this stuff doesn't make sense. Well it's. It can't make sense because you can only stand, understand it post event, like colin was just saying. You can only look back and go okay, I've had the experience. Okay, now it makes sense. Now I get what you're talking about. Now I'm free to move forward. And this is where, to some extent, like this, this is the control freakishness right's, like it's not that we're necessarily trying to control the other person, but we feel like, unless things happen as I think that they should happen, this is all screwed up and none of this is working.
Speaker 1:Versus going, you know the sat nav example, right, I don't know how I'm. My destination is reconciliation with my wife. I don't know how I'm going to get there. I'm just going to trust, trust, trust and I'm going to let it go. And if this doesn't make sense, then I'm just going to trust that it's working anyway. It's recalculated. If I make a mistake, if I hit the stupid button, I'm just going to trust that it recalculates, starts recalculating and it's only when you take control of the situation with the sat-nav right. If you trust the sat-nav, you will get to your destination. It's only when you go this sat-nav's broken and you start to take control and go all right, I'm taking control of the directions now. Now there's a chance you're not getting to your destination.
Speaker 1:Was the sat-nav broken? No, it wasn't. It was the need. It was that lack of detachment, and that's what I mean. Don't, don't think for a second that detachment means walking away or not caring, or stonewalling or just acting like you don't give a shit. It's none of those things. It's like yeah, we know where we're going. That's why I said at the beginning of this court reconciliation is the only goal, only outcome that's acceptable to me for your lives. So we just got to know we never, we never for one second, let go of that as the destination. What we let go of is the path that we're going to take to get there and we just go.
Speaker 1:Well, the path, I don't know what it looks like, I'm just going to trust. I'm just going to trust, which is honestly, probably the hardest thing in the world to do, to tell your ego that you're not in charge. You just got to take a back seat. Well, your ego is going to go. Well, where's the map? There is no map. Well, is that a good idea, cody? Do you really think that's a good idea? But you know, the truth is, is what you're doing working? It is controlling the process. Working is needing to direct and, you know, go okay. Well, that doesn't make sense. So I'm going to do this. Is it working? No, if it worked for me, I wouldn't be here, because the only reason I'm here is because I've been where you are. That's the only reason I'm here. We're all here for exactly the same reasons.
Speaker 1:We're just at different stages on that journey and really honestly, I think a lot of us we just need to be a passenger on the journey for a while. We've been the driver for too long, we've been lost for a very long time and we're just exhausted. It's like we just got to sit, we just got to get in the passenger seat and go. I trust the destination is my wife. I trust, don't know how long it's going to take, doesn't matter that detachment, right, it don't. Doesn't matter how long it takes, I don't know what the path is, but it's all right. That's detachment. I don't know what the path is. You don't have to know.