Elevate Your Marriage by Focusing on Yourself

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What if the key to revitalizing your marriage lies in changing yourself? Join us as we explore this transformative idea with Cody Butler, a seasoned marriage coach whose practical wisdom has turned countless relationships around. Cody shares a powerful analogy of the Sydney property market to illustrate how external blame can disempower us, while personal responsibility can lead to meaningful change. Discover how shifting focus from your spouse’s faults to your own self-improvement can create a ripple effect that enhances your entire relationship.

In this episode, Cody delves into the importance of elevating your relationship skills to positively impact your marriage. He makes a compelling case that when one partner strives to improve, it naturally elevates the relationship's overall dynamic. Whether you're facing marital challenges or looking to strengthen your bond, Cody's actionable advice offers a clear path to making your marriage thrive through self-improvement. Learn practical strategies to foster growth and transformation for both you and your partner. Don't miss this insightful and empowering discussion!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hey. So if you want to save your marriage, this one attitude turned my marriage around and it'll do the same for you. Hey, cody Butler, here, marriage Coach, and I want to talk to you today about where you have the power to act within your marriage and where you can have the most impact. Now, a lot of times when I talk to people, they see the problem being somewhere else the problems with my wife, the problems with my husband, the problems with the family of origin, the problems with the job, the problems with this, the problems with that. But here's the situation, right. Here's the problem is you have no ability, no power and really no authority to act upon any of those areas. The only true area that you have any ability to act upon is yourself, and when you do that, your marriage will change. Here's the situation, right. Your marriage can change because you can change, and it will only change when you change.

Speaker 1: 0:44

Now, the analogy that I like to use here that makes this really, really clear is I live in Sydney and the property market in Sydney is very, very expensive One of the most least affordable property markets in the world. It'll cost you one and a half million dollars to get a fixer up, junker, it's really expensive. Now I can look at that as a problem and go the property market is too expensive. In Sydney, the property market is overpriced and that's the problem. Well, that might be true, but the reality is that's not a strategy for me to get on the property market. That's not a strategy that's going to make any difference whatsoever. And by me placing the problem on the market and me placing the problem on the prices, then I've just disempowered myself from any solution whatsoever. Now an alternative view to look at this would be I don't make enough money. Property market is completely reasonably priced. It's where it is because people are buying those houses all day for that price, so plenty of people can afford them at that price and plenty of people are buying at that price. Those houses are reasonably priced.

Speaker 1: 1:42

The problem is I don't make enough money. Now, when I acknowledge that that's the problem, now I've taken all the power back and I can actually go to work on the problem. When I realize that I don't make enough money and that's the problem, I can change that. I can up-level my skills. I can get a part-time job, a second job, a better job, get more skills. There's a hundred things I can do to make more money that will actually have an impact on the problem and bring me closer and closer to getting into the property market, versus just going. The property market is too expensive and the property market needs to change Now. Hopefully that makes sense in that example.

Speaker 1: 2:17

But here's the thing right. This is how most of us approach the problems within our marriage. We look at our marriage and go this is the problem, or he's the problem, or she's the problem, or this is the problem, or he's the problem, or she's the problem, or this is the problem, or that's the problem. And it's like we place the problem outside of ourselves and we have no ability to act upon or change that problem. All we've done is just completely and totally disempower ourselves to come up with any solution at all, when the reality is, you have the ability to work on yourself. Now, I'm not saying you're completely to blame, don't get me wrong, but you are the only place you have any ability to make any change or any transformation. And here's the thing right.

Speaker 1: 2:52

When you change, your marriage will change. When you get better, your marriage will get better, and that's just a simple fact. A marriage is just the sum of the parts You're one part and your spouse is the other part. If you're a five out of ten and your spouse is a five out of ten, then the sum total of that marriage is ten. Now, if you can up-level your skills, your relationship skills, your marriage skills, to a ten and your spouse still remains a five, now the sum total of that marriage is fifteen. Now your marriage is at a level fifteen, no longer at a level ten. It's got better. Now, when you get better, your marriage will get better. When you grow, your marriage will grow. It's the only thing that can possibly happen. So, really, the solution to your marriage getting better, the solution to your marriage problems and the solution to your marriage turning around, it's with you. My brother, it's with you. My sister, it's with you.

Speaker 1: 3:41

You have the ability to change and when you change, your marriage will inevitably change. It has to change. Nothing else can possibly happen. But while you're simply looking at the marriage going the marriage is the problem or my spouse is the problem you are completely disempowered. You have no ability to change the situation. You have no ability to change your spouse and you probably won't, and nothing is going to get better. So step number one acknowledge where the power exists and then start acting in that area that you have power. Start acting upon that area that you have the ability to change, which is you Now. If you like this, give us a shout, give me a thumbs up, leave a comment, let me know what you think about this stuff and, if you're interested in learning more, check out the links in the description. We got some tons of free resources for you on how to improve your marriage, how to do all of this stuff. So that's it for me. Appreciate you and we'll talk to you soon.