The Marriage Transformation Podcast
The Marriage Transformation Podcast
Reviving Marriages: Cody Butler's Guide to Transformation and Growth
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Unlock the secrets to reviving a struggling marriage with insights from Cody Butler, a seasoned relationship coach and founder of Better Marriage. Cody shares his structured approach to reignite hope in relationships teetering on the edge of divorce. Learn how unwavering faith and understanding the true meaning behind a spouse's words can reveal and address the core issues in a marriage. By focusing on effective communication and avoiding complacency, you can transform your relationship into a thriving partnership.
Explore Cody's personal journey through addiction and its impact on his marriage, as he candidly opens up about the challenges he faced and overcame. Discover the transformative power of vulnerability and honesty as Cody recounts how confessing his struggles to his wife created a safe emotional space for healing. With a focus on emotional safety, mutual respect, and a shared vision, Cody emphasizes the importance of rebuilding a marriage through genuine change and support.
Take a step towards personal growth and marital transformation with Cody's metaphor of fruit-bearing trees, illustrating how personal identity shapes relationships. Learn why addressing personal traumas and committing to a year-long program for self-improvement can lead to better relationships with your partner and family. This episode offers a compelling invitation to embark on a journey of self-acceptance and growth, promising to foster a happier and more fulfilling marriage.
Hey, cody Butler here, relationship coach and founder of Better Marriage, and I'm making this video today for men whose marriage is in real, real trouble, in the process of divorce, on the brink of divorce, or divorce or separation is being threatened, and I want to share with you some steps to where you can put that on hold, to where you can slow that or stop that down and actually start to reverse the process. And I'm here to tell you that it doesn't matter where your marriage is right now. I want you to have hope and I want you to have faith and belief that the marriage can be restored, because we've worked with literally hundreds of men and there's a process that you can follow where restoration, if you do it, is assured and it's a certainty for you. So this is not going to be a typical sales video, like you probably used to see, and there's no flashy presentations. I haven't got some really catchy title for you. I'm not going to spend 20 minutes talking about myself and my clients and how great I am. So if you want to know about me, then check out the website, check out my YouTube channel. I've got loads of interviews out there. I've done for various news programs and radio shows, podcasts and got loads of reviews on the website. So if you want to find that out, that's where you can find that.
Speaker 1:But I want to make this video about you today and what you need to do to turn your marriage around. So the first thing I want to say is that you have to have an unwavering faith and belief that it is possible. It's possible. If you believe that it is possible, it is possible. As Henry Ford said, whether you believe you're right or whether you believe you're wrong, you're right. You have to have a positive attitude and faith that this can take place, and I want to share with you some stuff that by the end of this video, you're going to see a path to it. You're going to find out as you spend some time with me. I'm not the kind of guy that says you need to do something and then doesn't tell you how to do it, or says that you just need to have faith and believe and then doesn't give you a way to develop that faith, because I know you're in a difficult situation right now and I know that things look difficult for you or even impossible. But here's what I want to say right, when your attitude is right, the facts don't matter, and I can tell you for a fact, after working with hundreds of men, that is true when your attitude is right, the facts don't matter. So please don't look at your situation and go well, my wife's doing this, my wife's living with another man, she's had an affair, she's done this. I've had an affair, I've done this, I've done that. It does not matter, there is a way back. The only question that you need to ask yourself is what is the right attitude? Because when you adopt that, everything will change. So, that being said, let's get into this right, let's start talking about this.
Speaker 1:So a lot of you watching this right now, maybe you in a situation where your wife is telling you that this is hopeless, I'm not willing to try, I'm done, I don't want to do counseling, I don't want to work this out, I don't want to try anymore, and you're looking at the situation as hopeless. Well, let me tell you what she's actually saying here, because here's the first big problem that we've got to address. Right, women speak a different language. They're a different species. They literally speak a different language to us, and what a woman says is not what a man would say. A man would interpret it differently, right? So when a woman says, I'm done, I don't want to try, a man interprets that as I'm done, I don't want to try. But let me tell you what it really means. What she's actually saying is I've tried so many times to change you. I've tried to so many times to work on this relationship. I've given you so many chances, I've given you so much direction. I've done this, I've done that, I've given everything of myself to this relationship and through all of that, you have not changed and the situation has not changed. So I am completely out of ideas at this point in time. I have nothing left to do here and I simply do not believe that you can change. Therefore, this situation is hopeless.
Speaker 1:When she's in a situation that she does not believe can change and the situation is not a situation she can stay in she has no choice but to leave. And a great thing to remember here is marriages end when hope leaves the marriage, when hope leaves the relationship. That's when one or two, one or both of the partners walk out of the door. So if she's saying it's hopeless, if she's saying I don't want to even try, what she's actually saying is, in my mind, this is hopeless. So if we can inject some hope back into the relationship, if we can show her that we can actually change and that we understand the problem and we're taking steps to rectify that, then the situation can and will turn around. And, as I've said, I've seen this so many times, literally hundreds of times now that when you can show that you genuinely understand the problem and you are genuinely concerned and you are genuinely taking steps, she will start to soften, she will start to come around.
Speaker 1:So let's look at some of the things that she's seeing as hopeless, because there's really only two things that are going wrong in your relationship. Everything else is just a symptom of these two main problems. Now, maybe you're fighting all the time, maybe you can't get along, maybe you can't communicate, maybe you've got differences in views of financing child raising, maybe someone's had an affair it doesn't matter, right, like these are all just symptoms of a bigger problem. And when people say that these are the problems in my marriage, the problem is the arguing. The problem is this the problem is that what they're actually saying is the same as these spots on my face are causing these measles. It's not true at all. The measles are causing the spots and it's the same in your marriage.
Speaker 1:There are some fundamental, underlying issues that are causing all of these problems, and these problems are simply symptoms of the underlying problems. If we want to stop the symptoms and show her that there is hope, then we've got to understand the core underlying problem and address it. It's really not that difficult, so let's get into that. So there are two reasons, two things that are going wrong here, and to understand how to fix them we've got to go back to the very beginning of the marriage, where she said yes to you. Because she's saying no right now. So let's go back to where she said yes and see what's changed. So there's only two reasons when you invited her to spend the rest of her life with you, to go on this journey with you, that she said yes. And one is that she loved the way you made her feel. She liked how she felt around you. She loved how you felt around you. She liked feelings. You made her feel special. You built up her self-esteem. You made her feel beautiful. You made her feel important. You validated her feelings and her emotions and she really enjoyed that and she wanted more of it.
Speaker 1:Now, the second thing that she said yes to was that she saw that a future with you was significantly better than a future without you. She saw and believed that joining herself to you would be a better decision than going it alone or going with something else. Now she's turned. Now she's saying no to the marriage and she's wanted to leave. These are the two things that have changed. She no longer likes the way that she feels around you and she no longer sees that a future with you is better than a future without you. So she doesn't like how she's feeling and she's seeing that leaving you is going to present a better option, even as bad as that option really is right. Hopefully this makes sense to you, that you can see. Why would she not say yes to you? If she loves the way she feels around you and she sees that a future with you is a great thing, why would she not say yes to that? And in fact, she did say yes to that and vice versa. When these things change, why would she not want to leave?
Speaker 1:And this is where, as men, we've got to raise our hands and we've got to take ownership and say I got complacent, I got lazy, I stopped caring how she felt, I stopped thinking that it was important to make her feel special. I stopped making the effort that I made in the beginning and the same with our future right, and the same with the future that you presented together. It was the biggest sales job in the world. You were the best salesman in the world to get her to say yes to you. You sold yourself to her by making her feel good, by promising her the world, by showing her a bright, sparkling future.
Speaker 1:And then, as she says, yes, we get married. We move into that zone of complacency where we stop looking at the future. And then, as she says, yes, we get married, we move into that zone of complacency where we stop looking at the future and we stop building that future, we stop presenting that future and we stop really caring so much about how she feels or how our actions are impacting our, her feelings towards you. And we've got to raise our hands and own that as men and say, hey, we did that. And when we can start to do that, then we start to shift the blame away from her and saying my wife's done this, my wife's done that, my wife's behaving in this way, she is the problem. She's not the problem, brother. She's not.
Speaker 1:We're going to get into this in a minute, but we are the problem and I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to say some stuff that's quite harsh, quite raw, but I'm here to save your marriage, or to help you save your marriage, and it's the truth that's going to save your marriage. It's the truth. It's not telling you things that you want to hear or telling you things that make you feel good. It's telling you the truth.
Speaker 1:And quite often, if our wife is leaving us, we've behaved in ways that we don't necessarily realize it but are very inappropriate, and we've done a lot of damage and we don't really realize it. So the first thing is recognizing that we've become very, very complacent in the relationship and we stopped caring about how she feels and the future that we're presenting. Now we understand this. These are the two areas that we have to work on right now. We've got a goal Now, we've got some direction and we've got a compass for what we're doing.
Speaker 1:So my advice at this point now, and my advice to the men that I work with, is that every communication that you comes out of your mouth has to be with the intention of this is going to make her feel good about herself, and not in a manipulative way, but in a caring, sensitive I love you and I care about you way. So if we go back and we review the communications that we've had with our wife and the way that we've talked to her and the conversations that we've engaged in, I think you can probably see that if we ask ourselves how did that communication, or how has the ongoing communication over an extended period of time, made her feel about herself, the answer is going to be not very good. And if we look at the future that we're painting for her again, if we're honest with ourselves, the answer to that question is going to be the future probably doesn't involve her or it's pretty much non-existent. Right, the future really has shifted from in the beginning of the relationship, when it was about us and what we're going to do and the journey we're going to go on and the adventure we together are going to have. As we move into the relationship and we get comfortable, it becomes more about our goals and what we want and what we need and we invite her into our vision. It's no longer a shared vision, which really brings us nicely into the next stage of this, which is what needs to be present for reconciliation. Now there are three things that need to be present for a very healthy marriage, for a thriving marriage, and if your marriage is failing right now, one or more probably all of these aspects are now missing from your marriage. And again, once we understand this and we can start to implement these back into the relationship, then it becomes very easy to see what's gone wrong. It becomes very easy to turn it around. So the three things that are required for the relationship to turn around are emotional safety and security, shared vision and goal, mutual admiration and respect. These are the three things. Now let me show you how this works together, to where your marriage when you can reintroduce these into the marriage, your marriage can turn around literally in the snap of a finger, which is exactly what happened to me.
Speaker 1:Now, to tell you my story, my marriage was disastrous, it was on the brink of failure and I was a real dickhead. To be honest with you, I was not nice to my wife, and the reason for that was because I was heavily dependent on drugs and alcohol and I'm talking serious, serious drug abuse and serious alcohol use and it really turned me into a demon, a really very nasty person, and I was very mean and very nasty to my wife and to be honest with you and I'm not proud to say this, but I was really abusive to her in every way other than physical. I was never physically abusive, but I was definitely psychologically abusive to her and I did things and said things that she had every reason to leave the relationship. And the alcohol was changing me, the drugs were changing me and it had a hold of me and I really couldn't. I really couldn't change, I really couldn't kick it and it would have a very negative, detrimental effect. So I had a loft in my house and I go up to that loft at night and I drink and I'd take the drugs that I was taking and it would impact me and that's where I would be all night and then I'd come down at the end of the night and I just be really mean to my wife. Basically then I'd go to bed and we'd do the same thing the next day.
Speaker 1:But one day I was up there and I thought no, I'm going to, I can't do this by myself. I know I knew that I was doing wrong, but the alcohol and the drugs had such a strong hold of me I couldn't defeat it and I was up. I was up in my loft space and I just go. I can't do this by myself and this is unacceptable. I need help and I'm going to do what needs to be done here. I'm going to stand up, I'm going to own this and I'm going to go talk to my wife right now.
Speaker 1:And I went down from the loft and she was in the shower and I remember going in there and the shower water was still running and I said I need to tell you something. I need to tell you something. And she goes what is it? I said when I go up to the roof every night, I'm drinking alcohol and I'm smoking crack. Basically, is what I'm doing. To be perfectly honest with you. Now, again, it's hard for me to say that because I'd like to just forget and pretend it didn't happen, but it did happen and it's an important part of the story, because I want to show you how this can change so quickly. So her response to me was I love you and thank you for sharing that with me. I appreciate that. We that with me. I appreciate that we're going to get through this together. We're going to get through this together and that was the turning point of the marriage. That was the turning point, really, of my life. Things improved at such a fast rate after that.
Speaker 1:From being on the brink of divorce, she was at the point where she really had to leave for her own sanity, for her own security and for her well-being. At that point and the relationship turned around. Well, what happened in that moment? Well, when I, when I told her what was going on right, and she said I love you, thank you for sharing, she created an environment of emotional safety and security to where I felt like, okay, now I can start to open up and I can start to let out some of this stuff that's going on inside, some of this pain that's causing this, some of this trauma, some of this stuff that's going on inside, some of this pain that's causing this, some of this trauma, some of this turmoil, some of this lack of self-love, self-respect all of the things that we all have to deal with, brother, that's in all of us, that's causing us problems in the relationship, in the marriage right now.
Speaker 1:A lot of what's going on in the marriage, on a side note here, is. It's your own trauma that's coming out, that's coming up, and it's manifesting in the form of problems within the relationship. It's you can't love somebody else properly until you love yourself. You can't respect somebody else until you respect yourself. You can't treat somebody else properly until you treat yourself properly, and a lot of the problems is that we need to find that sense of self-peace. There's turmoil, there's trouble, there's trauma, there's depression, there's anxiety, there's stress. There's all of these things that are going on inside of us that we have to work on. We have to get them out of us. We have to release them from ourselves so we can release them from the marriage. And when that happens, when you start to heal and when you start to develop a positive relationship with yourself, then that allows your wife to have a positive relationship with you also.
Speaker 1:That's a side note, though, but what happened was by my wife allowing me the space to have that emotional freedom. She could have said are you serious? Are you serious? You've been putting me through this because you're up there drinking alcohol, smoking crack. You've put me through this misery because this is what you're doing every night. She would have shut me down, and that would have been the end of that. Without that emotional security, I couldn't have opened up and the relationship couldn't have changed.
Speaker 1:But the next thing that happened was there was a mutual admiration and respect that was recreated instantaneously. She did not respect me at that point. She did not respect me as her husband. All she could see was the demon that I've become, the way that I treated her. And she stayed with me because she was a good, godly woman. She didn't stay with me because she wanted to. She stayed with me because she made a promise to me, because she made a vow, and at that point in time, there was a mutual admiration. She respected what I did and I respected the way that she handled it. And that mutual admiration and respect was created. And, of course, when she said, I love you and we're gonna get through this together, we're gonna solve this, then it created a mutual vision, a shared vision and a goal for the relationship. So, in the snap of a finger, there was emotional safety created, there was a shared vision and a goal and there was mutual admiration and respect.
Speaker 1:And we have to create these in your marriage as well, and the way that we do that is that we start to come to terms with ourself, when we start to deal with the trauma that's inside, when we start to deal with the pain and we start to release that, and when we start to become bigger and better, your wife is going to say I love the man you are becoming. I love the man you have become. What she's saying right now is I don't like the man you have become very much. I don't like the man you have turned into much. I don't like the man you have turned into. He is not the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Speaker 1:The key to this is not to try and convince her that she is wrong and the problem is with her. It's not to try and convince her that these issues can be solved. The solution to this problem, brother, is for you to turn into the man that she looks at and says I love the man that you're becoming, I love the man that you're becoming, and that is going to free her up to become the woman that she wants to become again and again. This is a much deeper level of just saying here's some flowers, or you're really pretty, or I love you, or you look nice in that dress. It's about how she feels at a deep emotional level, and you, as the leader, have to stand up and lead your wife into this. You have to set yourself free from the trauma. You have to set yourself free from the pain, and if you don't love the way that you feel about yourself right now, if you don't love the man that you are, then she does not have the freedom and you are not leading her to a place where she can love how she feels and she can love the woman that she's turning into. It's for you, brother, to stand up and to take responsibility and to address your demons and to deal with the things that you're dealing with and to release the trauma. And this is where the real magic happens. This is where I can really help you make a difference in your life, in your marriage, in your children's lives, because you are going to lead the way here. You are going to show them how to become a better version of you. You're going to show them how to release the trauma, how to relate to yourself better, how to love yourself at a very, very deep level.
Speaker 1:Now a quick test here. Say to yourself I love myself, I feel great about myself, I feel positive about myself. Can you say that? And if you can say it, how authentic, how real does that feel If there's some tension there, if you can't really say that, if you don't feel that at a deep level? Or if there's some tension there, if you can't really say that, if you don't feel that at a deep level, or if there's some anxiety there, when you say I love myself, it's like, oh, I don't quite feel right about that, then this really, ultimately, is the cause of the trauma and the trouble within your marriage. You're leading your wife to the same place.
Speaker 1:When you're in that state of a lack of self-love, your wife is following your lead and she is replicating your feelings, and that's what she's saying no to. She's saying no to not loving myself anymore. I'm tired of this trauma, I'm tired of this pain, I'm tired of how I feel about myself. As hard as it is to leave, leaving is a better decision, because I stand a chance of finding these things that I'm looking for, which, ultimately, is self-acceptance. And, brother, I can tell you 100%, if your marriage is failing right now, this is the issue. It's a lack of self-acceptance within you, and this is where what we do is different. This is where what we do varies greatly from therapy, and this is why what we do has a 90% plus success rate, where therapy has pretty much a zero success rate. And this is why your wife does not need to participate in the process.
Speaker 1:When she can start to see you change, that is giving her the cues that, if you can change, the situation can change and that is going to bring her back into the relationship. Hopefully that makes sense to you. If that does not make sense to you, if you're thinking this guy's crazy, I've got no idea what he's talking about right now, this is not for you. What I offer, what I do, the transformation that we bring, is not going to be for you right. But if you're connecting with this and going, that is right, that is absolutely right then I want to invite you to schedule a call with us to talk about how we can help you with this. The real magic takes place is when we can create an environment where you are able to open up, you're able to be yourself and you're able to release that trauma.
Speaker 1:As men, we have been pushed down in society too much. We've been told to suppress these feelings and I'm telling you, brother, I know how you're feeling because I am you and you are me. We're one in the same. My marriage was where your marriage is, and what's caused that in my marriage is what's caused it in your marriage. And I can tell you 100% assuredly that the solution to this is we go to work and we bring you to a better place.
Speaker 1:And, of course, marriage skills are necessary. Right, we need to know how to have a conversation. We need to know how to interact with our wife appropriately. We need to know how to interact with our wife appropriately. We need to set boundaries within the marriage. We need the skills to reconcile. We need those marriage skills. But giving you those skills without first addressing the underlying, core root of the problem is to give you a Ferrari when you don't even have a driver's license. It's just going to do no good whatsoever.
Speaker 1:We've got to address the root Now. If you want to see the fruit of your marriage change, if you want to see the fruit of your life change, then we can't actually address the fruit directly. We can't go okay, well, we're fighting all the time. Here's a script on how to have a conversation. We've got to address the root. If we want to change the fruit. We have to address the root, which is an identity change.
Speaker 1:Your identity has to change, brother. Your identity that you hold right now is one of inferiority. It's one of a man who's less than what he could be. It's one of a man who has less than what he deserves. And I can tell you that if your marriage is failing, then it's because your identity is not big enough and strong enough to feel like you deserve that relationship and ultimately, you're going to self sabotage it. And it doesn't matter whether it's this relationship or whether it's the next relationship. You're going to continue to do that. You're going to continue to do that. We have to change the identity for the change to be permanent.
Speaker 1:An apple tree will never produce anything other than apples. An orange tree will never produce anything other than oranges. If you are getting sour fruit in your relationship right now, or if you're getting inadequate fruit, we need to cut that tree down, we need to throw it into the fire and we need to plant a new tree. There needs to be a new identity inside of you, brother, and that identity needs to support a healthy relationship, and that starts with you having a healthy relationship with yourself. And if you think that you have a healthy relationship with yourself now, god bless you. Power to you. I hope that you're right and I wish you the best.
Speaker 1:But if you recognize at this point that you don't have that relationship with yourself, you don't have that self-love, you don't have that self-esteem, you don't have what it is that you know that you need and that you know that you deserve. And you are absolutely right as well. You deserve it. It is your birthright, it is your God-given inheritance to be the man that you know you should be. We've just been beaten down by society. Maybe it was our father, maybe it was school, maybe it was something around us that told us that we don't deserve nice things, that told us that we're not worthwhile, that made us to believe that we're not worthwhile, that made us to believe that we're something other than what we actually are, which is divine, perfect and deserving of all good things. We're going to get you back to that state. We're going to get you back to that state of knowing that you are a worthwhile human being, knowing that you deserve love and all of the good things that the world and relationships and marriage has to offer. That is what I want to share with you. If that's something that you're interested in, there's a link below this call, below this video, to book a call with us.
Speaker 1:Now here's the thing, brother I get 50 to 100 applications at least every single week of men wanting to go through this transformation, wanting to release the trauma in their own life so they can release the trauma from the marriage and heal, restore, reconcile and bring back peace, love and restoration into the marriage. It can be done. We can show you how to do it. There is a way, I promise you. So we can only deal with so many of those applications, so I'm gonna make you jump through some hoops to get on a call with us. Right, there's an application you need to fill out. You need to fill that out thoroughly, you need to fill that out properly and you need to pour your heart out into that application. If we don't feel like you're giving a hundred percent, then we're just gonna, we're just not going to accept the application, we're going to cancel the call and we're going to give the slot to somebody else. So I really need you to really pour your heart into the application so we can see who you are and we can see who you want to become and we can see the sincerity of the change that you want to make.
Speaker 1:Now, after you fill out the application, you are also going to receive some communication from us. It might be an SMS message, it might be an email. We need you to respond to that because, again, we're getting literally 50 to 100, sometimes 200 applications every single week and we can only help so many men. So we only take confirmed bookings. So once you've filled out your application and you've booked a time, we're going to ask for you to respond to a communication whether it's SMS or text filling out, confirming that you will be attending, because if not, we're going to cancel that. We're going to have to cancel it and we're going to have to give that spot to somebody else.
Speaker 1:There are just too many people that need help and too many people that want help for people that are I'm just going to be honest with you that are half-arsed, that are not really committed to this. So I need to see commitment and whatever level of commitment you give me and my team, give that commitment back to you. If you're all in, we're all in. If you give 100% percent, we give a hundred percent. If you half-ass it, we're gonna half-ass it as well. So, whatever you give to the process, we are going to give that back to you.
Speaker 1:And, just to be clear, we do offer a program at the end of the phone call. We're going to give you some clarity on the call. We're going to give you some steps to help you take the next steps to get to where you need to be, not just in your life, but in your kids, kids' lives how to become a better father, how to become a better husband, how to heal all of these relationships. Because it's all related, right? If you're not relating, if you're having problems in your marriage, then you're probably having problems with your kids as well. Right, you're having problems with yourself, you're having problems in other areas of your life. All of this stuff is related. We're going to show you up and be that man that you know you were born to be, to be that leader, and to heal those relationships with your kids, with your wife, with your family, with everybody around you.
Speaker 1:And this is serious business, right, this is serious business At the end of it, if we do work together. It's a year long program. This is not a joke. This is a year long program because this is about serious, total life transformation. Your marriage being saved is going to be a byproduct of us working together. It's going to be a byproduct. The restoration of the relationship between you and your children is going to be a byproduct. We are going to work on creating a brand new, better version of yourself that you love, and your wife is going to say I love the man that you're becoming, I love the man that you've become. Your children are going to look at you and say, dad, I love the dad that you've become. Your children are going to look at you and say, dad, I love the dad that you're becoming. You've really stepped it up. You've really done what needed to be done and we're really proud of you.
Speaker 1:Takes a little bit of time to do that. That's why we work with you for a whole year. So be aware of that. This is not a two-week program or three sessions or something like that. So if you're interested in pursuing that learning more about that and potentially Working with us because I promise you we can get you the results, or at least we can show you how to get the results you have to do the work yourself, right?
Speaker 1:There's a link below this video. Start to fill out. Just just follow the process, fill out the application schedule, schedule a time and then confirm the booking. Once we send you a confirmation and then jump on a call. Now the call might be with myself or it might be one of my team. Like I say, I get a lot of these calls every week. I can't take all of them, so don't be surprised. The team are amazing. If you speak with one of my team members, they are amazing, amazing people and they're going to give you some incredible, some incredible clarity into your situation and some incredible life advice into your life to change your life.
Speaker 1:But if we do work together, if you do decide to join us in the win your life back, change your life. But if we do work together, if you do decide to join us in the win your life back program, you get unlimited access to me. The program is with me, you work with me. We do one-to-one phone calls. The team will tell you all about that. We'll go into all the details of how all that works on our phone call. But just so you know, you will be working with me directly in the program. You will have direct access to me. So that's it. So there's a link below this video or somewhere around here. If you're serious about doing this, go ahead and fill that out. If you're just information gathering mode, if you're not serious, if you're not committed, then please don't do this. Give the slot to somebody else because, like I say, our calendar books out and we're just not interested in people that are not.