No Contact During Divorce: Truth vs Myths

🚨 Save Your Marriage And Win Your Wife Back
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Most men are being taught that “no contact” creates attraction, leverage, and fear of loss during divorce.

It doesn’t.

In this video, Cody Butler breaks down the dangerous myths surrounding the no contact strategy and explains why it often reinforces the exact emotional conditions causing the divorce in the first place.

You’ll learn:

• Why no contact often feels manipulative to your wife
• Why “alpha male” no contact advice backfires
• The real reason your wife wants space
• Why emotional pressure destroys attraction and safety
• The difference between healthy space and manipulation
• Why no contact can reinforce emotional unsafety
• What actually creates emotional safety during divorce crisis
• The “No Unforced Errors” strategy that works instead
• When reduced contact is appropriate — and when it’s destructive
• How emotionally regulated men approach separation differently

This is not generic red-pill relationship advice.

This is a psychological breakdown of what actually happens during late-stage marriage crisis and what creates the possibility of reconciliation.

Watch my free masterclass here:
👉 https://codybutlercoaching.com/broadcast

#nocontact #divorce #saveyourmarriage #winyourwifeback #marriagecrisis #relationshipadvice #emotionalsafety #divorcehelpformen #relationshippsychology #codybutler

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey Cody Butler here, and in this video I'm going to address no contact, the no contact rule during divorce and marriage breakdown, and we're gonna get into the truth versus the myths of no contact. We're gonna debunk it and we're gonna go into when to use it, when not to use it. There's a lot of stuff online. This is a very popular strategy, and it is also very, very harmful if used without extreme emotional sophistication and understanding. So let's get into this straight away. So what most men, or what do most men believe about no contact? Well, they believe, and generally it's taught, that no contact creates leverage within the marriage. It puts you from a weak position back into a strong position. It makes the woman miss the man. It creates a fear of missing out. It creates and reinstates attraction within the marriage. It reverses the power dynamic from the power being in the hands of the woman right now, and it moves it back into the hands of the man, creates FOMO, fear of missing out, fear of loss, which creates leverage. And ultimately it makes her reconsider wanting a divorce, leaving the relationship, or how she actually internally feels about this man. This is typically what is taught about the no contact strategy and what the outcome is expected to be. But the truth of the matter is it really couldn't be further from the truth because the result of deploying or using no contact as a strategy is it simply becomes manipulation. It's a man leverage-seeking, it creates emotional pressure and it creates it's a scarcity strategy, is what it is. It's a tactic to try and fabricate and create scarcity leverage and emotional control. Fundamentally, it's a manipulation strategy, and anybody that is using no contact for these reasons simply is not there's no emotional maturity in that individual, there's no emotional regulation, and there's no general emotional or genuine emotional sovereignty within that man. He's not looking at the situation, going, what does this situation need to be a healthy relationship, a healthy marriage? What is she trying to communicate to me through leaving this marriage? He's simply looking for tactics, strategies, and manipulations to try and turn the balance back in his favor. And it's the sign actually of a very emotionally immature person, and it's going to backfire on you and simply re-re condition her and reinforce that what she believes about you is true. So, why does no contact typically backfire? Now, let me just be clear up front here. I'm not saying no contact is not a good thing, it requires emotional sophistication and maturity, though, to execute and it's it's valid in certain situations. And we're gonna, I am gonna go into those situations as we get into this in this video more and more. So why does it backfire? Well, one, because it creates a massive behavioral polarity shift. What does that mean? Well, when a man starts using no contact as a strategy, typically he's probably watched some red pill alpha male content on YouTube, he's listened to a coach or someone's told him that this is a strategy that's going to return the balance of power back to him. So the man goes from being in a state of panic, desperation, neediness, basically a state of emotional collapse, to all of a sudden he then shows up in the marriage as detached, indifferent, and unavailable to the woman. As you can see, this is a complete polarity shift. This is a bipolar situation to where he's gone from being very invested and involved to completely detached or in a no-contact state. And all this does, this does not go unnoticed. All it does in the woman is create suspicion, creates distrust, and it creates emotional inconsistency. And when when it's deployed, as typically taught, it just causes her to really question who you are, and it does not help the situation at all. All it does is re uh reinforce that she's dealing with an emotionally immature individual. So, what does she actually see when you actually start to deploy or use um no contact as it's typically taught on YouTube, for example? Well, she's going to experience more manipulation because that is what it is. The question is, why are you detaching from the situation? Why are you going to no contact? Is it because that's what she needs and that's what the relationship calls for? Or is it simply a manipulation? Well, the answer we all know is a manipulation. It's about control, it's about using a strategy to regain control and to really convince somebody to give you something that they don't want to give you for reasons they don't want to do it, which in turn creates more pressure in the marriage for her, which is the very thing that she is looking to escape from. And it's just more emotional strategy, more manipulation. This is not a man looking at himself, going, I need to show up differently as a man. It's a man looking at the situation, going, How do I control and manipulate this situation? And all it is, it just becomes another attempt to influence the outcome, to regain leverage within the marriage, and to emotionally move maneuver the woman to where he would prefer that she is at this point in time. So the critical insight to understand here when you engage in a no-contact strategy is that this reinforces that he still doesn't understand why I'm leaving this marriage. That that's what she actually uh the conclusion that she comes to. She's fundamentally relieving leaving the marriage for relief from the pet pressure within the marriage. And going no contact is actually going to do the opposite. It's it's actually applying pressure to her to get her to stay. So it's really he's doubling down on pressure, he's doubling down on control, he's doubling down on manipulation, and these are all of the things that uh she's trying to escape from. So what he's doing here is he's doubling down and using the exact mechanisms that damage the marriage in the first place. No contact really just it's more of what she's looking to escape from. So the core problem that men miss when they use the no contact strategy is they don't understand the pressure that they create when they when when they do this. Their whole no contact strategy is designed simply to create pressure, emotional pressure, to pressure her into realizing what she's missing, to pressure her into a state of fear of missing out, to pressure her into an emotional state. It's not about relieving pressure. The the the core uh mechanism that no contact uses is the application of pressure to get the result that you're looking for, when what is actually needed to uh improve the marriage is understanding what she's trying to escape from, which she's actually trying to escape pressure. So when when you use no contact as a strategy or a manipulation or a tool, it just reinforces that you really don't understand anything about what's going on in this marriage, why she's leaving, any of those things. So it also becomes impossible to create relief or to stabilize the relationship because when what she's actually looking to escape from in the marriage is pressure, and the mechanism that you're using to reverse that is more pressure, then this simply makes it impossible for her to get what she wants, and it makes it absolutely impossible to stabilize the relationship. So fundamentally, functionally, you're just doing way more damage to the relationship than you could ever possibly imagine by doing this. So the required shift here to use a no-contact strategy effectively with emotional sophistication and intelligence is you have to understand what she's actually looking to escape from when she asks for a divorce. She's not primarily seeking distance as a punishment. She's not looking to use distance as power, as leverage, as games. She's looking for relief. She's seeking relief from the pressure within the relationship. She's looking to allow her nervous system to stabilize and to regulate again. She's looking to feel that stability that the marriage is completely dysregulating on an ongoing constant constant basis. She's looking for reduced pressure and she's looking for emotional relief and emotional breathing room. And when she asks for that space or when through through a divorce or a separation or some other mechanism that separates you and her from the marriage, she's actually looking for emotional breathing room. She's not looking to, she's looking for relief from the pressure. And when you go with a no-contact strategy, the whole strategy is designed simply to apply pressure to her in a covert way. You're doing the exact opposite thing that she's looking to avoid. So how do men contradict themselves by not understanding this? Well, when she asks for space in the marriage, or when she says, I want space, or she de facto says she wants space by saying, I want a divorce, I want separation from you, he sees this as dangerous, as danger. He sees it as abandonment from her. She sees it as death of the rel, he sees it as death of the relationship. He sees when she requires effectively no contact with him, it doesn't necessarily have to be that extreme as being no contact, but let's call it space. This is this is a danger signal for him, and he sees this and interprets this very, very negatively. But when a YouTube coach starts saying no contact, which is effectively the man employing the same strategy, right? It's saying space. What is no contact? It's like, well, no contact is space between you and her. The man is enforcing a de facto space environment through no contact. He sees the behavior that he previously saw as dangerous abandonment and the death of a relationship. He now sees this as an effective strategy to save the marriage. He sees it as leverage, he sees it as a way to create attraction, and he sees this as a way to establish power within the relationship. So when she says space, he sees it as a threat. When he uses the exact same mechanism on her, he sees this as a strategy completely contradicting how he previously interpreted the situation. So let's talk about the healthy framework here instead of no contact. So the best way to start using no contact, and there is there is definitely a place for it, but the easiest way to avoid all of the damage and dangers that we're going to inflict on the relationship through following a no contact strategy comes primarily if we can change the name, then then we can we can start to view it as what it is. So if we stop calling it the no contact strategy or a no contact approach and we rename that to a no pressure approach, or even better, this is my favorite, and it's what I teach teach men that I work with in the Win Your Wife Back program, is we're not going with a no contact approach, we're going with a no unforced errors approach. This is what actually saves marriage. It's like if no contact is required and that's the right move, then we do that because that's that's the right thing to do. If contact is required, then we do that because it's the right thing to do. Our goal is not to follow a strategy blindly, our goal is to follow a no unforced errors strategy. And and quite frankly, no contact is probably the biggest you you're gonna compound unforced error after unforced error after unforced error in your attempt to control and manipulate the situation out of panic, desperation, or any other thing. So the real the real mechanism here is the no unforced errors strategy, not the no contact strategy. So let's talk about what does no unforced errors actually mean. This is what we actually want to be doing. So we want to be, we want to actually stop creating unnecessary pressure because ultimately, as I've said, this is what fundamentally she's looking to get away from. If she wants to leave the marriage, she's looking to leave a pressured environment. That she's looking for some some relief for that. Stop emotionally flooding the woman. Now, again, no contact, like if you're looking at this from an uninformed position, then you can look at uh no contact as the the cessation of emotional emotional flooding. But actually, what you're doing if you think at this through is you you are trying to emotionally flood, you are trying to emotionally flood the woman. You're trying to flood her with emotions of loss, with emotions of uh all of these things. The the whole purpose of no contact is to flood her with emotions and get her to analyze those emotions to move in your favor. Unforced errors also means stop over contacting. It's not no contact, it's it's stop over contacting. You contact when it's necessary, you contact when it's appropriate, uh, you stop forcing conversations, or you stop forcing no conversation. Either way, you start to read what the relationship is calling for, you start to read what she's calling for, you stop reacting impulsively. You when when she's having a good day, you have a good day. When she's having a bad day, you have a bad day. When she acts like she's accelerating, pulling away from the relationship, you go into emotional panic and you start acting highly impulsively, you become stable, you become regulated. You learn how to regulate your nervous system. So in turn, you can regulate, help her regulate her nervous system, reset her nervous system, and you start creating emotional consequences. So again, the whole no contact strategy is built around creating emotional consequence, around forcing unnaturally emotional consequences. It's an entirely manipulative strategy. So when we use no contact to genuinely stop emotionally flooding the zone, when we use no contact to avoid forced conversations, when we use no contact to avoid reacting impulsively, then this is an effective strategy. And when it's used with with uh sophistication and skill, it is actually a very, very when used as part of a bigger strategy and used intelligence, it's actually a very, very, very effective, effective component of a much, much bigger strategy. But here's the thing, right? When we're talking about becoming men who are emotionally intelligent, emotionally sophisticated, that are able to read what the situation needs, and she's gonna come back when she can actually see and understand and feel that she's gonna get what she needs from the relationship. It's not about emotionally manipulating her, it's about providing reassurance through your behavior that she's gonna get what she needs. That's when she's gonna come back. And the great example that I always use is it's not any all of these, all of these conditions, strategies, consequences, uh, anger, emotion, no contact contact, for example, they're all valid. But the question is are you using them at the right time? So the the the man who watches the no contact video on YouTube and goes full alpha male or full red pill, he he doesn't understand that there's are you using the strategy at the right time on the right person for the right reasons and in the right dosage? Those are the sophistications that actually make this a valid strategy versus just using this as a weapon of mass destruction. I'm going to go no contact, and there's no there's no emotional intelligence given to it. So another example is anger. I use this as an example all the time, right? Anger is not a bad thing, but when it's used indiscriminately and inappropriately, it can it is a very bad thing. So the question is not is anger is anger positive? It can be positive for sure if it's used at the right time on the right person for the right reasons in the right in the right dosage. If you're angry at the wrong person at the wrong time for the wrong reasons and in the wrong amount, it's disproportionate, then it's going to be a bad thing, of course, it's going to be very destructive. But if you're angry at your children at the right time for the right reasons and in the right dosage, this becomes very constructive and productive. Contact is the same thing within the marriage. If you're contacting at the right time for the right reasons and in the right dosage, very productive. Same with no contact. If you're reducing or removing contact at the right time for the right reasons and in the right dosage, it's very productive. But this is a give and take, it's a fluid situation. Every situation is continuously moving, and there are times that she needs that space in order to eliminate the emotional flooding and the pressure, and there are times when she needs that contact because the contact removes the emotional flooding. She needs it at that point. It's about being able to view and understand a fluid situation and applying the strategy or having a toolbox of strategies that you're able to apply at the right time for the right reason in the right dosage. So when let's talk about when no contact or reduced contact, as it's you know, no contact is what it's known. I'm going to call it the the no unforced errors strategy. But when does no when does no contact become an effective strategy in a no forced error strategy? Well, when it honors boundaries, when she's asked you to back off, then no contact becomes a valuable strategy. When you're unable to regulate yourself emotionally, when your nervous system is deregulated, when when she's triggering you, when you're not in the right condition to have a productive conversation and being around her would destroy emotional safety, then no contact is a good strategy. And when her nervous system uh when no contact produces relief for her nervous system, then it becomes an effective strategy. Like right, remember, our main goal here is to reduce pressure because pressure is what she's looking to escape from. Effectively, effectively, she's looking for nervous system relief. And when we understand that is why she's asking for divorce, that is why she's asking for marriage, the no forced error strategy then becomes what is required in the moment in this fluid situation to regulate her nervous system, to relieve her nervous system of stress and pressure. And when when no contact is appropriate, and it can be at times, that is when it is an effective part of an of a no-forced error strategy. So uh when when no contact is appropriate is when it's an act of care and when it's not used as leverage. So a great example here is I've told my wife, and and this this is what what I do is when we're having an argument or we're having a breakdown, I tell her that if I leave, if I if I just remove myself from the situation, if I walk off or I abandon the situation, that's an act of care, not an act of abandonment, because I know that I'm about to emotionally lose control and I'm gonna provoke the situation and I'm gonna dysregulate her and make the situation much worse. I'm gonna destroy emotional safety for all intents and purposes. So by leaving the situation for a period of time and allowing myself to calm down and having no contact for however long that needs to be an hour or a day or whatever it is, that no contact is then an act of care and it's protecting her. It's not an act of leverage to get control over the situation and go, if you don't comply with my desires and needs here, I'm going to punish you through abandonment or through no contact. It's an act of care, not leverage. And in that situation, then no contact is an effective mechanism within the no forced errors strategy. So it also is appropriate when he realizes I currently cannot provide relief while I'm emotionally activated. Again, if you're in a situation where you have the emotional awareness at this point to go, I'm not able to provide myself with that emotional relief right now. I'm so emotionally dysregulated myself. I'm so I'm so provoked, I'm so panicked, I'm so triggered right now that I'm simply going to be unable to provide emotional relief for my wife. In fact, quite the opposite, I'm going to dysregulate her nervous system even more and create more pressure. Then a no contact element of the no forced error strategy is appropriate at that point, but it's a fluid situation. The no contact in that moment is valid for as long as it takes for you to regain emotional stabilization, for you to become an emotionally stable man and then come back and re-instigate contact with her on a limited basis or whatever basis it needs to be. Now, when you do that, you're using no contact to communicate to your wife that I understand when I'm a dysregulating influence in your life, and I have the emotional intelligence to separate and no contact during those periods to allow you to stabilize, to allow me to stabilize. And when I also have the emotional intelligence to look at the situation and realize when no contact is no longer the appropriate mechanism within the no forced error strategies, no contact will be a mistake at that point. When you're regulated and she's regulated, and you can now interact and communicate again in a in a regulated format, then no contact's an error. It's a forced error, an unforced error at that point. Communication would be the best option for you if you're capable of doing it. So the critical principle to understand here is that if if contact creates pressure, if you're unable to regulate yourself, if you're unable to stop being triggered, if it creates suffocation, which it often does in a divorce situation, uh contact with the with your wife creates suffocation for her because you just you're desperate to resolve the situation. You know, empower to you, I understand. You want to fix the situation. You want your wife back, you want your family back. But a lot of times that creates pressure on her, creates neediness, it creates suffocation, it creates uh distress, and it has the exact opposite effect that you need. The goal is to reduce pressure, not increase it. The goal is to remove suffocation and distress, not increase it. And if that's happening through contact, then absolutely contact should be reduced as an effective, no forced error strategy. And that teaches her that you are developing emotional intelligence, emotional self-regulation, and that you're safe to be around. Because even though there are times when you're still unsafe, you have the intelligence now to recognize when you're moving into that unsafe state and you'll now move into a no-contact or reduced contact strategy within or mechanism within the no forced errors. So you're not using it as a punishment or a strategy or a leverage tool or a manipulation to get the relationship to move in the direction you want it to. You're using it as a regulation tool to both regulate yourself, your nervous system, and to regulate her nervous system. This is when no contact or reduced contact becomes immensely powerful because it shows that you are regulated and emotionally self-aware. Someone, a man just going blindly into a no contact strategy shows that he has no he has no emotional awareness of himself, of the woman, it's not regulated, and he's simply still in in the manipulative core frame. So, what makes no contact manipulative when used in the traditional format? The red pill alpha male, I'm gonna make her miss me format. Well, fundamentally, it communicates a hidden gender, agenda within the man. This will make her come back. This will get her to do what I want her to do. It shows that he is outcome attached, he is suffering from attachment disorder, outcome attachment. Because he is willing to control, manipulate, and really try to get her to do something she's indicated that she doesn't want to do to get her to come back. This is an attachment issue with him. It's tactical, emotional withdrawal. It's not strategic. This is not when used in the traditional no-contact sense. This is not a strategic tool in your toolbox to build safety, to build regulation. It's tactical emotional withdrawal to create an outcome because you're attached to that outcome and you're willing to do whatever you need to do to get what you want from the relationship. It also indicates scarcity psychology within the individual. It's creating, he's effectively saying, I'm quite happy for my wife to choose me because I've created scarcity and manipulated her into being with me over choosing me. And it's absolutely an attempt to influence her emotions indirectly. Instead of looking at himself and asking the question, how do I give her what she needs? And how do I regulate myself? How do I help her regulate her emotional condition? How do I help her reset her nervous system so she can feel safe within the marriage and want to stay? It's simply an effort to uh just influence, like it's saying I don't really care about any of that stuff, I'm just gonna uh influence her emotions through this mechanism that I have available to me. And it fails. Why it fails psychologically? Why does it fail psychologically? Because she's smart, because she sees what she sees it for what it is, she sees it as an agenda, she sees it as a manipulation, she sees it as a performance, she sees it as something other than care. You're not you're not detaching from the relationship and going no contact because that's what you've determined that the relationship needs and what she needs, and then not doing it as an act of love. You're simply doing it as an agenda, a manipulation, and a performance. And she knows that straight away. So all it actually does is it reinforce reinforces that you're emotionally unsafe, that you're not trustworthy, you're to be distrusted, that you are not only going to indirectly create pressure within the relationship because that's how you're showing up, and you're still at this point emotionally unaware of yourself and how that pressure is actually being created, you're actually going to actively create pressure through using a strategy such as no contact that is designed simply to manipulate an outcome through pressure, which again, this is the very thing she's looking to escape from. You're doing exactly, you're doubling down on what it is she's trying trying to escape from through the divorce, and it creates more nervous system activation for her. The objective here is to regulate her nervous system, to get her nervous system to reset, to get her nervous system to stop viewing you as a threat and putting her into fight or flight activation around you and to start seeing you as a friend, to start seeing you as safe. Until her nervous system detects you as a friend instead of detecting you and classifying you as a threat, she she's going to be emotionally uncontrolled and unregulated. She's going to treat you as a threat. She's going to go into fight or flight. She's going to fight you aggressively, or she's going to go into flight and flee the relationship. This effectively is what no contact does for her, is it just reinforces in her nervous system the fight or flight response and it classifies you as a threat, not a regulating, stabilizing force. So let's look at the bigger truth here about no contact. So most men are using no contact, or most men who are using no contact already struggle with emotional regulation themselves. They're already struggling with emotional leadership, they're already struggling with relationship skills, and that is why the relationship is breaking down. They then attempt to use what is effectively an advanced leverage tactic to restore the relationship without ever addressing the issue that they're emotionally dysregulated, that their emotional leadership is lacking, and that their relationship skills are lacking. This is where reconciliation takes place. This is when her nervous system resets and reclassifies you as friend, not a threat. And she she moves away from fight or flight with you and goes into settling down and starting to re-establish the relationship. That only happens when you learn how to emotionally regulate yourself, not emotionally manipulate her. When you take emotional control of yourself and you start to demonstrate true masculine leadership by understanding that if you fix the man, you fix the marriage. You don't fix the marriage by manipulating the woman. It's not manipulate the woman, fix the marriage, it's fix the man, fix the marriage. And when you start to develop that true authentic masculine emotional leadership that she's actually desperate for right now, that will cause her nervous system to reset. And then you can start to build true relationship skills on top of that, which is built fundamentally on a no forced errors strategy, not a no-contact strategy. Again, no contact is a tool that you have in the no forced errors toolbox, which when you have when you're emotionally regulated, you can use with sophistication as an act of love to help her regulate. The man that is incapable of doing these things now immediately goes to the weapon of mass destruction and inevitably launches a nuke on a on a relationship and destroys the marriage. So he tries to use this advanced leverage without first mastering emotional safety, without understanding pressure reduction, how to reduce pressure without self-regulating, and a number of other skills that uh the man who is emotionally sovereign in his secure within his own masculinity that believes truly that I don't have to manipulate my wife into coming back to me. When I am emotionally safe, when I am emotionally regulated, and I can help her emotionally regulate and reset, she will choose to come back to me. She will come back through choice, not through manipulation. That's that's a strong man, an emotionally regulated man. So the goal here in no contact, which is what we're talking about, right? So the goal typically of no contact is to make her miss you, is to regain leverage, is to create scarcity and it's to force attraction back towards you. But the goal in the relationship, the man who is in the no forced errors strategy, who's gone, I'm gonna I'm gonna regain this marriage and restore this marriage through eliminating all unforced errors, he's not thinking about how do I make her miss me or how do I regain leverage, none of these things, right? He's he's asking the question, how do I reduce pressure in this relationship? How do I create pressure valves to let her decompress? How do I create emotional safety in this marriage? How do I eliminate all unforced errors? No contact being the biggest unforced error of one of the biggest of all of them. He's asking the question, his goal is how do I be how do I as a man become emotionally regulated so my wife can feel safe, so she can her nervous system can emotionally re-re uh reset and reclassify me as a friend, not a threat or an enemy. And the man is asking himself, how do I restore emotional sovereignty so I'm not addicted to her? I don't need her approval, and I'm not about manipulating her to get her back. So the important distinction here is healthy space, which again, no contact is just that, right? It's space. You're basically saying I'm gonna force space here. Healthy space, which the no forced error strategy produces, is is not is not implemented as a punishment. No contact essentially is a punishment, it's revenge, it's emotional withdrawal used to influence its passive aggression. It's applying aggressive pressure to the woman through passive behavior, effectively saying uh I'm gonna behave extremely passively here, but actually it's not passive at all. This is an extremely aggressive move. There's a lot of aggression in no contact because it's designed to manipulate, control, and maneuver her into doing something she simply doesn't want to do. And it's simply it's pretending not to care, right? Healthy space, the no force errors is not pretending not to care. This is this is the paradox of the man who goes into the no contact scenario. He he he's he actually cares immensely. That's why he's doing it. He's not doing this because he's a bad man, he's doing it because he's scared of losing his marriage and he cares deeply. But unfortunately, in his his effort to unintelligently regain control of the marriage through a broken mechanism that is vastly and grossly misrepresented out there in the manosphere in the relationship world, he thinks he's going to get the marriage back by pretending not to care. But it's seeing through immediately, she knows it's pretense and it simply isn't gonna work. So, what the no forced errors is or would involve is it's it's respecting boundaries. If respecting the boundary involves no contact, then it's valid. If reducing emotional contact involves no contact, it's valid. If creating emotional regulation in the nervous systems for both yourself and her, then no contact is valid. And if allowing nervous systems to stabilize requires no contact, then in those instances, no contact is a valid tool in the toolbox. So the fix here, how do we move from a very ineffective strategy and a damaging strategy of no contact to the actual corrective mechanism of a no enforced error strategy? Is you stop asking the question, how do I use no contact to get her back? And you start asking, how do I stop creating uh you start asking, how do I stop creating emotional pressure and doing unnecessary damage? Or how do I stop creating more emotional damage within this marriage and how do I move to a no unnounced errors strategy? That is how you actually start to move this forward. So the core uh the core takeaway, the core learning points from this video are going to be that most men they completely misunderstand no contact completely, and as a result, employ a strategy that is taught by people that don't really understand it, two men that don't really understand it, and they do immense damage to the relationship. So the core takeaway is tactical, no contact often reinforces that you're being manipulative. She feels manipulated pressure, and there's no emotional safety within the marriage. The real goal in reconciliation is no, it's no pressure, it's no enforced errors, and it's emotional regulation or nervous system regulation both in yourself and in her. So reduced contact or no contact only helps, it's only an effective strategy when it genuinely lowers pressure instead of strategically or tactically increasing pressure to get an outcome. So emotional regulation changes the dynamic of the situation entirely, and that's what makes the difference. So if you want to understand more about this, then I've got a video right here on who am I if my wife rejects you, rejects me. If you can answer that question, then you're well on your way to saving your marriage. And also, if you want to learn more about what the the how to employ the effective uh no force to error strategy, what it is, what that looks like. I've got a free masterclass, there's links in just in the description so that we cover what actually works, or how to stop reinforcing the pressure, how to become emotionally sovereign under pressure again. And if you get something out of these videos, if you're getting something out of this content and you want to give back a little bit, the way you can help me out is um leave a comment. That's fantastic. Give me a thumbs up, a like, and share this, share this video with somebody who needs it. That's how you can really help. Bless you. Watch this video here, and we'll talk to you soon.