Why Your Wife Doesn't Believe What You Say

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🚨 If you want to save your marriage and Win Your Wife Back, watch my masterclass here: https://codybutlercoaching.com/broadcast?utm_source=podcast

This workshop is built from nearly a decade of working with men in marriage crisis, watching some recover their marriage and watching others fail. The patterns are predictable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In this workshop, I'm gonna share with you how weak language destroys the trust in your marriage, why it prevents your wife from believing what you say and how to change the way you speak so you can immediately shift your position of leadership, not just in in the home, but as a in in fatherhood, in business, how to become a how this makes you a more valuable employee, how it makes you a better employer. This is this is gonna be the absolute key here. If we can master this lesson, it's really gonna open a lot of doors for you. So let me share my screen with you, and we will get started without further ado. Okay. So give me a thumbs up if you've got my screen. Awesome. Let's have a look here. Okay, so let's let's get cracking with this. So we're talking about power language today. Why your words determine your authority, your outcomes, and your identity, right? So the premise here is a man's language is not just communication, it's his governance. In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. The first line in the Bible declares the authority and the power of language. This is important stuff. So in marriage, father and fatherhood, it regulates the emotional and structural climate of the home, reveals your discipline, and exposes the level of internal authority that you actually operate from. So the only way that another human being can communicate with you or interact with you in any way is through your words and through your language. And if you squeeze an orange, what comes out of it? Orange juice, a hundred times out of a hundred. If you squeeze a lemon, what comes out of it? Lemon juice, a hundred times out of a hundred. So this is how we know what that there's no mistress here. We know what's inside of you because it comes out in the form of words. So when we change our words, this is where the transformation starts. So weak language equals weak leadership, precise language equals predictable execution and emotional stability and safety for the family. Your words tell your wife, your children, and anybody around you whether you have order or whether you have drift and chaos running inside of you. Ordered words indicate order, chaotic words indicate drift. So your vocabulary, if your vocabulary delays the standards in your home also they follow accordingly. So every marital drift, every breakdown begins with speech long before it shows up in the form of separation, resentment, or disengagement. So again, cross-history, leadership has always been measured by the precision and integrity of a man's word. For example, Jesus told us in the Bible, let your yes be yes and your no mean no. When your words are more valuable than any legal contract, you're a man of authority and integrity at that point. It reflects exactly what internal authority requires. The yes is yes and no and no. Clean, binding language that creates safety, predictability, predictability, and leadership, and also clarity within the home. Excuse me. When you tell your wife yes, and she can trust that that yes means yes, and when you tell her no, that that no means no, this creates stability. So the law of language. So there are two categories of language, and only two categories of language, and this is very important. There's power language and there's escape language. So in marriage and fatherhood, power language it attracts, trusts, respects, and creates stability. Escape language repels all three and repro and produces emotional chaos. So one of the most common things I get asked for is a script. What's the script to save my marriage? What do I need to say? What is the script to win my wife back? Well, this is as close to it as you're ever gonna get. There's no specific one size fits all script, but this this is the transformation in language that starts to re-establish the trust and what needs to happen. So escape language repels and creates chaos. Power language is direct, quantified, it's responsible and it's binding in nature. For example, this is this is power language. I will, I won't. By Friday at three. This is the standard. In a home, this language is that shows authentic leadership, creates emotional safety, and produces reliability in the marriage. It reduces your wife and your children's uncertainty around you. When you say I will, I won't, by a specific time. This is the standard. This this product this removes all uncertainty around you. Families follow men who remove uncertainty. So escape language, on the other hand, which is where most of us that would be watching this call have come from. It's vague, it's emotional, it's non-committal, and it's outcome dodging. For example, I'll try. Hopefully. We'll see if we can do that. Maybe. When things settle down, I'm working on it, I'm working on myself. I'm working on myself indicates no certainty whatsoever. In a marriage, this language signals a lack of focus, avoidance, and a lack of internal governance. In other words, men that are using this language, they're revealing to the world that they're in chaos, that they have no internal authority or governance. This escape language increases emotional insecurity. And the bottom line is no wife trusts a man who increases uncertainty within the marriage. I would rather know categorically that you're not going to show up than that you might show up, or you tell me that you're going to show up and then you don't. It's like I tell my employees, I would rather have an ugly truth than an attractive lie just because you think that's what you need to tell me to keep me happy in the moment. So let's look at language as leadership. Your wife responds to the directness or the avoidance of your language. Your children replicate the standards that are embedded within your language. So when your language is avoidant and it escapes in nature, your children are going to start to replicate that avoidant behavior that's present in your language, in their behavior. Your team, your peers, your environment are going to respond the same way. So whatever, whether you use an escape language or power language, that is the environment that you're going to create around you. So every domain of your life relies or falls or rises or falls according to the structure of your speech. But your home is where that's felt first. So a man can only reinforce the standard that he's able to verbalize with clarity. If I say be here at nine o'clock on Monday morning, this is when this call is happening, and you don't show up, then and you've agreed to that, then that can be enforced. If I say, hey, we're doing a call this week, probably Monday. That I can't hold you accountable to anything. And all I've done is given myself a way out. So a man who can only enforce the uh a man can only enforce the standards that he verbalizes with clarity. So if he will not speak precisely in his home, he will not he will not execute consistently anywhere else. Leadership without discipline, language is nothing more than performance theater. I'm working on myself. That's escape language. Well, what exactly are you working on? Be specific. Are you working on your health, your wealth, your attitude, your temper? What are you working on? What are you doing to work on it? What is the deadline? What is the metric that we're going to measure this by? This is a man that's using power language, a man that says, I'm working on myself, I know I need to get better. That's a man saying, I acknowledge that I need to change, but I have no intention of doing it. So this language feels like the escape language, it feels like authority, but it lacks any consequence. I'm going to quit drinking. When? When are you going to quit drinking? When you say I'm going to quit drinking, or I'm going to stop watching porn, or I'm going to stop doing this, well, it feels like you're moving forward, but it your language has removed any consequence from your words. You've merely intellectually acknowledged that you need to do something. So in marriage, that produces frustration in your wife, it produces emotional withdrawal, and ultimately it produces loss of respect. When you say I'm going to do something and you don't do it, or even worse, you mislead through escape language. Can you do this this week? I'll do my best. Ultimately, this leads to loss of respect and a complete loss of trust. So language is discipline. These are symptoms are a lack of internal authority. And internal authority is installed exclusively through linguistic constraint. So in your marriage and fatherhood, eliminate immediately exaggeration, excuses, qualifiers, emotional filters, passive construction, softening and self-protective vagueness. Again, I'm working on myself. Self-protective vagueness. Exaggerations, which can go either way. I only drink five nights, I only drink three nights a week when you drink whatever. You know, it's like these weaken your authority both with your wife and with yourself. Instead, adopt exact time, exact quantity, exact ownership, and exact standard. You don't speak to express yourself, you speak to you speak to enforce your structure and stabilize your environment. I will be home by this time. Structure, stabilization, versus I'll do my best to be home by five. I need your help with the kids on Sunday. I'll do my best. I will help you with the kids on Sunday. Internal of when you use language as discipline, it stabilizes your environment. It creates trust and it creates something that your your wife can depend on, and when she can depend on you, emotional security starts to return. So if your speech is undisciplined, your behavior will follow it. Can you be home by five o'clock today, please, Michael? I need help with the kids. I'll do my best. That's loose escape language, which will almost certainly result will almost certainly result in undisciplined behavior following it. You've given yourself a reason not to be home at five. So if your speech is disciplined, your mind, emotions, and actions realign and your household stabilizes. Five, language is authority. So authority is not personality. Authority is the removal of linguistic loopholes. You don't have authority through cult of personality. You can't say respect me. How dare you suggest that I would not show up at five o'clock? How dare you suggest these things? Authority is the removal of these linguistic loopholes. I will be there at five. I will help you with the children. I will not watch this. I will not consume that. In a marriage, every try should someday busy. I should spend less time on social media. I'll try to create emotional safety. I know I should be spending more time with my wife, but I'm very busy. This becomes the fractional point for trust leaking out. Every one of these implications or escape words destroy trust, destroy reliability, and destroy dependence. A man with authority speaks in binary finality. Yes or no? Are you gonna join us Monday night, Nathan, for this call? I'll try. I'll do my best. I'm pretty busy, so we'll see. All of those responses tell me that you're probably not gonna show up, and you'll only show up if it's convenient to you. Conversely, if I say, Nathan, will you be attending our call Monday morning? And you say, Yes. This is a man speaking with authority that I can now depend on. Nathan, last time we talked, you said you were gonna do this with your wife. Did you do it? Yes, it's done. No, it was not done. Versus, I got busy or I'm definitely gonna do it, I just haven't got around to it yet. That's escape language, right? Acceptable, unacceptable. You said you were gonna be on this call Monday and you didn't show up. That is unacceptable. You said you were gonna take the garbage out for your wife. You didn't do it. That is unacceptable. Finite language in binary terms. Yes, no, done, not done. Acceptable, unacceptable. I know what I'm dealing with then. This is why emotionally safe homes are built on men who speak with disciplined clarity. I've got an appointment with the with the doctor for the kids. Can you be there? Yes, I will be there. Versus, I'll do my best. When you speak with these binary finalities in power language, it signals safety, it signals competence, and it signals predictability. These are the qualities that your wife needs. She needs to feel safe. And telling her that you're safe does not do it. It has to be signaled through authority power language. So this is the linguistic equivalent of a fortified structure protecting your family. You're building a moat, you're building a wall. Every try, every should, every maybe, every I'll give it a red hot crack is nothing more than an escape hatch. It's nothing more than you saying, I'm on your side and I'm here for you if it's convenient for me. Power language says I will be there if it's inconvenient or not. So linguistic authority closes these escape hatches. So examples of power language used in history, Jesus didn't say try to follow me. He didn't say consider obeying me. He didn't say do your best. He said follow me or don't. Obey me or be cut off. I require obedience, not effort. The extreme power language. So whether you accept the theology or not, it doesn't matter. The linguistic pattern is instructive. Winston Churchill, we will fight them on the beaches. We will fight them. We will never give in. We will never surrender. He didn't say we'll do our best. This was power language in its finest form. Zero escape. So let's put this into some practical terms. How can we use this on a daily basis? So this is this is primarily going to be applied to marriage and fatherhood, but we can also apply it to any aspect of your life, business owners, particularly. If you want to grow your business, this is leadership 101, building teams, team building 101. So rule number one: no vague commitments. Every commitment has a timestamp and a metric, especially in the home. If you say you're going to do something, don't say maybe, I'll do my best, I'll try. It's yes, I will do it, or no, I will not, and it will be done by. Two, no qualifiers. Remove maybe from your language. Remove hopefully. Are you gonna be there? Are you gonna be here today, Jason? Are you gonna be on the call today? Maybe, hopefully. I'm trying, I'll do my best. What that means is I can't depend on you being here. Rule number three is no self-pro this is a big one, right? No self-protective softening. Say what you mean without padding, especially with your wife. Do not say I need to work on myself. She knows you need to work on yourself. What it what information are you providing that she doesn't already have? I absolutely am working on myself. I'm working on this aspect of my life, and you can expect to see improvements by 3 p.m. on Friday. That she doesn't know that. You're providing new information. I need to quit drinking. She knows that. You know, giving her new information. I have quit drinking as of yesterday. That's new information. Rule number four, no passive voice. Replace it didn't get done with I didn't do it. It didn't get done is simply a statement of a f of fact. I didn't do it is ownership of the problem. Again. What happened with the car getting serviced on Tuesday? It didn't get done. Well, that's not information your wife, that's not new information to your wife. She knows it didn't get serviced. She understands that you you repeating that is not introducing anything she doesn't already know. If you say I didn't I didn't do it, this is new information. And the ironic thing is most people think that this I didn't do it is going to harm them more than making an excuse. It isn't. You're indicating that certainty authority. So rule number five, no delaying language. Replace when things settle with I will do X, I will do it at X and finish it at Y. I'll do my best again is not new information to your wife. State the standard, rule number six, state the standards explicitly. If a standard matters in your home, articulate it in binary terms. I need you to take the car to the garage today, Michael, and get it serviced. Can you do that for me, please? Yes or no? This produces accountability and this produces trust. Rule number seven. You hold your wife, children, and environment to the same linguistic discipline you hold yourself to without hypocrisy. Your family becomes as ordered as the contain the contamination of the language that you tolerate. When you start saying, I'll do my best, I'll give it a go, I'll try, I need, I need to do this. You create an environment through your leadership that no standard needs to be enforced, or no standard is is expected to be enforced. Did you play on your computer yesterday? I tried not to. I did my best. The standard that we are setting the standard for our children, we are setting the standard for our wives. And many of us right now are setting very, very sloppy standards. And it's about raising the bar, it's about it's about raising the standard up and saying this is we're gonna hold ourselves to a higher higher standard in this house, which is what your wife is asking for. She's not asking you to lower the bar, she's asking you to raise the bar. She's asking you to raise the standards in the home. This is how you do it. What is the outcome of this when we do this? So your leadership aligns with your internal authority. When that happens, your leadership sharpens, your standards stabilize, your home becomes ordered, your marriage becomes predictable, your children feel safe again, your decisions accelerate, your execution becomes reliable, and your identity solidifies. There simply is no growth without linguistic order. Anyone who's been attending these calls for any length of time has seen the performance that I'm talking about. I need, I know I need to change, I know I need to raise my standards, I know I need to stop doing this, I need to work on that. All of this is escape language. None of it produces growth. Without authority language, without power language, you cannot be held accountable. What are you being held accountable to? I'll try my best, Cody. I'll try my best. Okay, well, how do we measure that? You get to arbitrate that. Like, how do how did you do, Matt? Well, I did my best. Okay, well, who gets to determine that that was your best? Well, I do. I will meet this standard by this time. If your words cannot be put into a spreadsheet and measured, it's escape language. So there's no growth without linguistic order, there's no clarity without linguistic constraint, and there's no leadership without linguistic precision. And ultimately, there's no salvation of your marriage without it either. And that is it. That is that is uh the power of power language that will radically transform your life very, very quickly. And let's not underestimate here, we'll just add to this to it, and then we'll we'll throw this open to questions and comments. This is where self-esteem and self-respect comes from. How many of you can't even trust yourself? How many of you said I'm gonna quit drinking and you haven't? I'm gonna stop watching porn and I haven't. I'm gonna go to bed at a certain time and you don't. I'm gonna get up at a certain time and you don't. Utterly and utterly unable to depend even on yourself. And that's where the value of this comes in. Really, it's not the transformation doesn't come from exposure to new information, it comes from it comes from the implementation of new behavior. And many people here and who have been here have failed to grasp that. They believe that simply understanding where they have gone wrong is rectification of the problem. Your wife doesn't need you to understand what you've done wrong, she needs to see a change in the behavior. She doesn't need that, she doesn't need you to understand that punching her in the face is wrong, and that's what's causing the breakdown in the marriage. She needs you to understand that she needs this, she needs it to stop. And this is this is the difference between the men who transform and grow and the men who don't. Are you prepared to use authority language to regulate your own behavior? Or do you want to continue using escape language to give you an out of every commitment that you've made? Are you effectively saying, I'm willing to make any commitment that you want me to make to save this marriage, but I'm going to give I'm going to use escape language to give me escape hatches should I choose to exit? That's where most of us are. And this is where the confusion comes from. We think that we're making the changes and we think that we're demonstrating the changes, but we're we're backing them up with escape language. And the truth of the matter is this man, but no one on this call, I would say, or nobody that's been on this call, would say I'm a man who has no integrity. We all view ourselves as men with integrity. So when we shut that escape hatch, like the reason we're able to continue to behave in the way that we do is because we can behave badly without it without having to directly challenge our own integrity. I can say, hey, I'm not committed to this call, but I you know I'm gonna do my best to be here Monday at nine o'clock. I'm not, but but I'm I'm gonna do my best to be here at Monday at nine o'clock. And then I just decide I can't get out of bed because I had stayed up too late Sunday night watching Netflix. I can miss that call and retain my integrity. Because I never committed to it. I said I did, I said I will do my best to be here. If I say I will be here, now I have a choice. I have the choice to show up or acknowledge that I am not a man of integrity. Bad behavior now becomes expensive. Previous behavior, previously bad behavior was free. And my challenge to you this week is is is acknowledge start to start to notice where you're using escape language. Where are you saying I should? I'll try. I know I need to. I'll do my best. I'll give that a red hot crack.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

This is this is what go on Michael. I was just gonna say all those all those statements you just read out, just all the the the weak language, they all have a silent butt at the end of them, don't they? Of course. Because I I I've been doing that, I'd I'd really like listening now and just nodding my head because I'm going, oh shit, I've been using that language for so long. And they all have a butt on the end of them.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Which, no offense, but it means you're utterly unreliable. That's right. I can't depend on you, Michael. That's that's that's while at the same time you've taken all the actions that you think your wife should be responding to. This is where the confusion comes from. My wife's not noticing my changes. You haven't made any changes. You've told you've told her that you acknowledge that you know you should, you haven't made any changes. You've made changes that are convenient to you, but you haven't, you've given yourself a way out, you haven't locked them in. Here's what's happening. You you went my object, like here's how you save your marriage marriage. You look in the mirror and you see who you truly are. Like, if you don't leave this call convicted, like I haven't done my job. And like I don't mean in like convicted in I'm a wicked, horrible person. I mean if you don't leave this call going, oh, I'm not the person that I thought I was when I showed up. There's a gap between who I thought I was and who I actually am. If you if if if you don't feel that I haven't done my job, because it's not who you are and who what you're providing that's destroying your marriage. It's the gap between it. What's destroying your marriage is the gap between who you think you are and who you actually are. And here's here's the difference between men who succeed at this and men who fail at this. The men who succeed, here's what I'm telling you: go buy a mirror and look in it. And look at who you really like. The goal of this call is to show you who you really are, not who you think you are. Because your wife sees you who you really are, your kids see you as who you really are, your employees see you as you who you really are. The only person who doesn't see it is you. And the problem is you've gone to the store to buy a mirror and you bought a poster. You're looking at a poster of who you who you could be, and you're looking at a poster. This is this is my number one complaint with the modern church is they sell a poster, not a mirror. This is how Jesus sees you. Well, whatever, dude. Like, if you like stop looking at the damn poster and start looking at the mirror, like looking at the poster is just narcissism, it's delusion. You know, and and this ultimately is why transformation and saving a marriage is very difficult because are you prepared to be told like it's not what you know and you're doing right that's destroying the marriage, it's what you don't know, or what you think you know and you're doing wrong. It's not the pleasing parts of your personality that she's rejecting, it's the prickly parts. And it's like, are you strong enough? Are you do you have the self-esteem? Do you have the self-awareness to be told that to have the mirror showing up and say, no, Michael, that's a poster that you're holding up, not a mirror. The mirror is less flattering. The mirror's not nearly as attractive as that poster. And and most men cannot do it. Because it's harsh. Let me put it this way: I ask men all the time. Your wife's living a secure, financially secure environment, she's wrecking her kids' psychology, she's wrecking her future, she's wrecking her social status, she's wrecking every aspect of her life. How bad would she have? How bad would you have to be for her to choose that over this? How bad would you have to be? You know, it's like I'll talk to people and they go, my wife won't talk to me, she won't let the kids talk to me. Well, how bad would I have to screw up for my wife to stop my kids talking to me? How bad would I have to be? Why don't you stop asking why don't you stop telling the world how bad she is for not letting her kids see their father and start asking the question, how bad would I have to be for a mother to protect their children from the father? How bad would I have to be? And that's a very difficult question. And most people want to shoot the messenger instead of listening, they want to shoot me and go, Well, how dare you, Cody? What are you saying? I'm a horrible person. Well, let's let like I'm not saying you're a horrible person, I'm saying there are changes that need to be made, and you have to face that. Unless you can look in the mirror and see how you've actually been showing up and who you've actually been showing up as. There's no hope. As long as you're looking at that poster, going, well, no, no, no, Cody, look. No, that's a poster, bro. That's a vision board. You can't show your wife your vision board and go, this is the vision of the future, me. She's not buying it, man. She needs, she's only looking at you. And it's the same with any aspect of your life. It's like if your finances are not where they are, where you want them to be, it's like, then it's not because of your doing, it's not because of what you're doing right, it's because of what you don't know or what you think is so, and you're doing wrong. And it's very. I could go around this room and ask each and every one of you, tell me what you really like about this, tell me what you really enjoy about this course, tell me how you've benefited, give me your win. And everybody would do it, and I could get my head would just go, oh Cody, you're such a good person. But I could also go around the room and say, Michael, tell me where I've let you down. Tell me where I've failed you, tell me where I've tell me the gap between expectations and reality. Share with me. What is the gap? What is the where where are the disappointments? Like which one benefits me? Which one grows me? Which one makes me better at what I do? If I if I want to be a world-class marriage advisor, am I better off? What's my path? Is it to say, Michael, tell me what how amazing I am, tell me what I'm doing right? Or is it is the better question, where have I disappointed you? Where is the gap between expectation and reality? Where could I be better? How where could I support you more? Where am I screwing up? Which is the better approach? Tell me where I could be better is is power language. I've done my best to help you is escape language. I've done my best to help you, is true. But is there a gap? Of course there is. Each and every one of you could tell me that tell me that there's a gap. If your finances are not where you want them to be, you can, you know, it's like, well, look, I've got the the problem is you're incompetent in this area of your life. Well, I don't think so, Cody. Look at my portfolio. Look at that. Okay, well, that's fine. Well, why you why the according to someone who's worth 50 million, 100 million, 150, you you're incompetent. If they if someone at that level looked at you, they'd call you incompetent. And it's very hard to look in the mirror and go, actually, I'm incompetent in this area of my life. Because that that child that offends the ego, that offends the personality. It takes a very strong man to do that. But the man that can look in the mirror and say, I'm incompetent in this area of my life, I'm incompetent in marriage, I'm incompetent in health, I'm incompetent in business, I'm incompetent in finances. That man is now better positioned than you to grow. That man is is is that man's got a much better chance of saving his marriage than the other the man next to him is saying, Well, but what about this? I understand what you're saying, Cody, but I've made all these changes and she's not recognizing them, so it's on her, right? Okay, well, if that's what you want to believe, but if that's your point, if that's your you know POV, your point of view, your marriage is over. I'll talk to people to join this program, right? My first question is what was your role in the breakdown of this marriage? Well, I'm sure I've got one. I'm sure you've got one too. I didn't ask you if you had one, I'm asking you what it is. Well, um I'm I'm not perfect, am I? No, you're not perfect. Like none of us are perfect. I'm not asking if you're perfect, I'm asking what is the what is your specific role in the breakdown? Well, she's this and she's that. All right, bye, see ya. Because if you're not aware, it doesn't matter how good you've been, if if this if you're here and you want to be here, the gap between here and here is a skill deficit. It's a knowledge deficit. You know, and unless somebody can come forth and say I have a skill set deficit and I have a knowledge deficit, then there's no growth for you. Yeah, and we're all we're all successful. Man, it's difficult for us, right? Because it's like it's much more it's much more satisfying to be a big fish in a little bowl than a little fish in a big bowl. You know, just as an example, right? Like I I live in a beautiful little town, man. And the problem is it's too comfortable, and it's like there's no challenge. Like I'll I'll I the people that I hang out with, like when I go to Sydney, man, they're they're like they're they're at a different level. You know, I'm I'm looking, you know, there's a billion billion dollar property developer I like to hang out with. There are people that are worth $100 million, there are people that are making $20, $30 million on a deal. And it's like I get around those people and I feel like this big. I feel completely inadequate and I feel embarrassed and I feel ashamed and I feel challenged, but I also feel motivated to move. And it's like if you're in an environment where you feel very comfortable, you're never gonna grow. The only way you're gonna grow is to get yourself in an environment where people are doing better than you. People are playing games that are playing the game at a higher standard than you. People are moving faster than you, people are taking bigger risks than you. People are getting bigger wins than you. You know, one one of two things will happen in that environment. You'll either you'll either raise your bar to their standard or you'll leave. I talk to a property developer and he's like, look, you want to see the plans to my new high-rise development, Cody? We're building 60 units over on this location. Do you want to see the blueprint? Sure. Awesome, man. Like, so what what is this? Oh, it's a $150 million development. I'll put, you know, whatever. It's like, okay, and then it's like, well, so what have you done this year, Cody? Yeah, good question. Good question. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna back, I'm just gonna chill out. Give me, give, can you, can you give me six months to answer that question? Give me six months and I'll be back and I'll answer that question. You know, and you leave and I'm going, I need to pick my game up, man. I need I need to start this this this game called life is a short one. And it's like, I need to start playing bigger, man. I need to start, I need to start playing bigger than I am right now. I need to start moving faster than I am right now, or else I'm just gonna be, you know, I'm gonna time out. And the same is true. This is power language, this brings this back for your family, right? Like you start raising the bar, man. Like your wife wants this, trust me. Your kids want this. Stability, who who who likes instability in their life? If you're an employer, who likes instability within the market? If you if you're an investor who likes instability within interest rates, if you're an employee who likes instability within the leadership, who enjoys instability? Conversely, who likes predictability? Who would like to know that the interest rates are going back to 2% and gonna stay there for 15 years? Would that change your behavior? It would. Predictability changes behavior. Instability causes un in state unstable behavior. Demonstratable. We will be lowering interest rates in the next 30 days versus we will be looking at an interest rate cut at some point in the next six months. Like which one which one are you going with? Like if someone if the the Fed or the Bank of Australia or whatever says we will be cutting rates in the next 30 days versus we will be considering and looking at a cut in the next 30 days or the next six months. One one creates forward momentum and action, and the other creates instability. This is what you're doing in your house. This is what you're doing in your homes with weak escape language. It's just reducing heat. Without committing to anything. There will be a cut in the next 30 days. It's stability through consequence. What do you think, guys? I'm gonna end I'm gonna end my rant there and open it up to you, lovely gentlemen. No one has anything.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

I was just thinking that like you've really got to be um when you commit, you've just gotta make sure you back everything up with the action as well. So the words don't mean jack unless you actually do the action as well, right?

SPEAKER_01 46:27

This is this is the problem, right? Like you're expecting your wife to respond to your intention and you've trained her that your intention is unpredictable. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

Exactly. I I I think Michael that goes to the point you like if you're not prepared to do it, just don't open your mouth. Exactly. And that's the thing I've been working on. Like you sitting in a social situation, and people are just saying things to say something, and it's like, I'm not gonna say anything here because I have no intention of doing whatever you're talking about. Yeah. That's the gist, Cody. Just like don't don't waffle. Don't open your mouth.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

The only thing that are truly yours are your words. Like anything you own, give me anything you own right now, 100 years from now, it won't belong to you. My cup, you know, I've got a couple of cars, they won't belong to me in 10 years, they'll belong to someone else. Any properties that I own will not be mine in a hundred years, it'll be in somebody else's name. There is nothing that I am in possession of or will ever be in possession of that will be mine a hundred years from now. I actually own nothing. I simply have the use of stuff right now. My words, however, once a word comes out of my mouth, it is mine forever. It can never be taken back and it can never be unattributed to you. Your words are the only thing that you own. And you own them forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. And when you understand that, then use them sparingly and use them with precision. When I say something to you, I can never take, I can never take back the impact that it has. And I can never undo it. And ultimately, when we look at communication, like we talk about scripts and stuff like that, and like what do I say to my wife? It's not about that. Like communication is an emotional thing. The question is not what words are you in in what words are you given, and a lot of us will make that mistake, right? We'll go, well, I told her this, so I don't understand what the problem is. It's like, yeah, well, technically you did. Technically, your words were true. So, but the problem is, what emotion communication is emotion? What what feeling am I leaving you with? With within an hour of this call ending, you will remember very few words that were spoken on this call, but you will remember you like what feeling did you leave with? Did you leave feeling inspired? Did you leave feeling hopeful? Did you leave feeling angry? Did you leave feeling frustrated?

SPEAKER_02 49:17

When you confirmed. Confirmed. Confirmed from a conversation my wife and I had this morning where she said, Michael, you need to speak to me better. You need to communicate better with me. So this just confirmation of my actions need to change to do that.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

Perfect. So you you won't remember my words, you'll remember the feelings that they produced in you. And if I said to each each and every one of you, in in two or three words, maximum, describe how you feel about your marriage for the last 10 years. You go frustrated, angry, disappointed, upset, broken, hurt, happy, good, awesome. Like your your entire marriage can be will be summed up in one or two in one or two emotions. Disappointed, right? You're not remembering the events of the marriage. Your marriage has left an emotional imprint on you, and you are responding to the emotion. When you communicate with somebody, you create an emotion. And the emotion is what they respond to. And the emotion is what they remember. And it's like it doesn't matter what you say. Like if you're using escape language, you're creating an emotion of uncertainty, insecurity, lack of safety, lack of trust, lack of predictability. And it quite frankly really doesn't matter what you've said or what in your mind you've committed to do. You've created an emotion in your wife that communicates instability and a lack of safety. And that's what she's responding to. She gets, you know, she doesn't go all. You might go confirmed, but like what what what emotion did she leave with? Disrespected, misunderstood. Like that, that's what she's responding to. You transition into power language, then she leaves with certainty, predictability, security. It's not what you're saying, it's the emotion that you're communicating and transferring to her. I feel safe. I feel safe with you. Your language, your power language, and she's not going to know why, but your power language is making me feel safe. Your power language is making me sit feel respected. Your power language is making you feel like a secure, safe pair of hands to lead this marriage forward. There is no script. This is the script. Your objective to save the marriage has to be. My objective is to create security, my objective is to create emotional security, physical security, safety, reliability, predictability. We said it last three week, right? Yeah, who here values insecurity, unpredictability, erraticness in their marriage? None of us. Who here likes predictability? Who here likes security? Who here likes to know what they're coming home to? Who here likes to know what they're gonna get? All of us. Do you think she's any different? This is it. Do do this and watch your life transform. Telling you. That's it for me. That that's all I that's all I've got today for for I think you know we've we've covered it. What is are we doing for time? Right at the hour. Does anybody else want to want to share before we wrap this up?

SPEAKER_02 53:03

I just think that's plenty. That's that's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot in a short crammed into a short period of time, and it's very impactful. So thank you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:14

PhD in language.

SPEAKER_02 53:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

Awesome, men. Do you like this format by the way?

SPEAKER_00 53:24

Just I can know. It's good, Cody. It's that just those little gems to punch on with every week. Something to have a crack at.

SPEAKER_01 53:34

It's gotta be practical, man. Like if it doesn't, if it doesn't translate into rubber on the road, then it's just we're just entertaining ourselves. All right, then. Same time, same place next week.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

Thank you, Cody. Go win.

SPEAKER_01 53:49

Go do some winning.